Icha Icha NaruHina
by son of a peach
Summary: The genin 9 are few years out of the academy, but some are having a little trouble growing up. A Naruto x Hinata love story, with some other pairings. Mild language and suggestive situations.
1. Chapter 1: Special Training

A Naruto Hinata pairing, of course, with some others I'm sure of. I don't think I'll go past a Teen rating, but we'll see. This is my first published Fanfic, so I'm still learning the ropes. I think this is the part where I say I don't own any of the characters, just the story. Let me know what you think, and hopefully I'll keep going with it.

--Chapter 1: special Training--

Hinata stared at the book in her hand, her face suffused with a violent flush. The title read, "Icha Icha Paradise Volume 8: Escape from Passion Island". Although Hinata would admit she had lived a sheltered life, even she could have no doubt what kind of book it was. If only the borders of the book weren't in orange. What was Sakura thinking giving her this?

Sakura had given her a parcel that day, admonishing her to open it in private. When Hinata had asked her what it was, the pink haired Kunoichi had smiled strangely and said, "It's for your training." before taking off.

"M-maybe it's not as bad as everyone says." Hinata said to herself, eager to believe the best about her friend. " I mean, it's not like Sakura is an echi, right?"

Hardly convinced by her logic, it was with trembling hands that Hinata opened the book somewhere near the middle.

_His broad hands ran up her back, eliciting soft moans of excitement. With his bronzed arms he pulled her close, drowning her mind in the blue of his eyes. One of his hands reached the nape of neck, sending shivers down her spine before drawing her face to his for a kiss.-_

A soft moan escaped Hinata's lips as well, but more from fear than excitement. How could people stand to read this? The heat from her blush made her feel like she stood in the midst of a fire. The book fell from her nerveless hands, and she stumbled to her bed before her legs gave out on her. Burying her head into her pillow to blot out her eyes, it was still a long time before she was able to stop seeing the scene replaying over and over behind her eyes. With her and Naruto in the lead roles, of course.

OoOoOoOoO

The next day found Hinata seeking out her friend. She had a bit of trouble at first, before Kiba pointed her in the direction of the hospital. Fortunately for Hinata, Sakura was not on duty, or rather was having no success getting the medic ninja to allow her to observe while they worked with patients. Therefore Sakura was willing, if reluctant, to be pulled away.

"Ano… I need… I mean, if I could… ask you a question?" Hinata got out after almost a minute of walking together in silence. Already a faint blush betrayed her.

Sakura cracked a grin, guessing she knew where this conversation was headed.

"Sure Hinata-chan, of course. But do you want to wait until we can talk more privately?"

Blushing even more, Hinata nodded mutely, realizing the crowds in the street, and her mortification at the thought of revealing that thing in front of them.

Sakura steered them into a café with dim lighting and deep booths. **The perfect place to talk about dirty deeds** thought inner Sakura. **Mwa ha ha hah!** Smiling to herself about the situation as much as her inner voice's antics, Sakura turned to face her friend. "Ask away."

"Well… you see… its like… why did you give me that…?" Hinata couldn't bring herself to say the word.

"Book? You kind of just answered my question, Hinata. You're just too pure and innocent, I had to corrupt you." Sakura's face looked almost diabolical.

"What!" Hinata squeaked out.

"Ha ha ha… whew, sorry, I couldn't resist. No but seriously, while I would be the last one to damage your innocence, it's painful to watch your timidness. It's hurting you by keeping you from getting what you want, and I think in a way it hurts Naruto too."

"Hurts…Naruto?" Hinata asked incredulous. It was unclear how her failure to tell Naruto how she felt hurt him, but tears threatened at the thought of causing him pain.

Seeing her friends turn towards sadness, Sakura hurried to sooth her, "Not directly. It's just… I think you would be good for Naruto. He has been kind of lonely since Sasuke…" Now Sakura was the one with glittering eyes. **Damn it! I refuse to cry for that bastard** she thought, forcing down her tears. When she continued her voice was slightly husky, "When we lost Sasuke, Naruto lost his best friend. He has gained a number of friends, but I think he still feels the loss. As for me, the thing that saddened me the most was the feeling that Sasuke and I could have been something to each-other, if only he hadn't left. So it hurts me to see you missing that chance with Naruto."

Hinata didn't need her byakugan to see the barely suppressed sadness in Sakura's eyes, or to begin to see the truth of her words, but she still wasn't completely convinced. "But… why does that mean that I should read –gulp--a dirty book?" After all, it seemed to Hinata, reading such things would make her more embarrassed to face the blond, not less.

"Think of it as endurance training. The more you think about such things, the more you will be able to tolerate. So read the book already, or I'll tie you up and read it to you."

Hinata's face glowed almost as red as Sakura's dress. "T-thank you for the g-gift Sakura-san. S-see you later." Hinata stammered before fleeing the café.

As Sakura made to follow her out at a more leisurely pace, a hand grabbed her arm and pulled her into the booth that had been behind her seat.

"What's all this I heard about you corrupting Hinata-chan with dirty novels?" Said a slightly upset looking Ino beside her. Across the table, Shikamaru looked the same as he always did: bored.

"I'm just giving her a little push towards her dream, that's all." Said Sakura, slightly defensively.

"But what were you doing with such a book in the first place, hmm?" Ino pressed.

"I stole it from Kakashi when he wasn't looking."

Both Ino and Shikamaru looked slightly shocked, both that the Jonin sensei would read porn, and that Sakura would be able to steal from him without his knowledge. "Are you sure you didn't read it?" Ino persisted.

Sakura felt a mild blush but covered it with mock outrage, "What do you take me for?" **Of course I read it** smirked inner Sakura, **But only to make sure it wasn't too much for Hinata. Mostly only that reason. We don't want Hinata to have a heart attack after all.** Inner Sakura finished demurely. Suddenly, a different thought occurred to Sakura.

"Wait a minute… you two… are on a _date_, aren't you." A not too nice grin appeared on her face as her friends stammered their denials. "How long has this been going on? Nevermind, let's just say I'll keep your secret if you keep mine. And Ino, you will tell me everything later… won't you?" Sakura smiled sweetly at her friends before slipping out of the booth and heading on her way.

It really was nice to see that Ino had found someone, but it also made Sakura feel a little sad too. Which is why, when Kakashi came up to her and asked if she had seen his book, she told him she had put it in the children's book donation box. The look of shock on his face was enough to buoy her spirits considerably. Even he chuckled about it after a moment.

**Hanging around with Naruto and Kakashi is totally warping your sense of humor** thought inner Sakura. Somehow outer Sakura couldn't seem to mind.

OoOoOoO

Hinata waited until she was sure everone was asleep before pulling the book from it's hiding place under the mattress. Just having the book was making her feel like a criminal. However, despite thinking Sakura must have been joking about tying her up, she wasn't about to take that chance. Besides, she was doing this for her Naruto. She would do anything to make him happy. Who knows, she thought , maybe she would get some ideas of what to do with him when she got him. The implications of that thought nearly caused her to faint. But it was with a faint smile that she opened the book to the first page and began to read.

-- End of chapter--

That's it for this chapter. I think the next chapter will focus on Naruto.

Yatta! (I did it)

Darn, it looked so much longer in word.

Please review gives puppy-dog eyes


	2. Chapter 2: Mission Implausible

Naruto was having trouble remembering what he was doing here

Author's note: It's a new day, and yet, I still don't own the rights to Naruto, or any of the characters. That's why it's called FanFic. I suppose having the responsibility of keeping Naruto going after all this time would be, as Shikamaru puts it, troublesome. Anyway, let's get to it, shall we.

--Chapter 2: the training mission--

Naruto was having trouble remembering what he was doing here. For starters, here was a small town that as far as Naruto could tell only existed because it was on the road to the land of winds. And it was sooo Boring. He would rather be stuck at home with no mission and nothing to do but train and eat ramen than be stuck here, without any obvious mission, no ramen, and most of all, no training. It was supposed to be a training mission, for crying out loud.

Jiraya had come to town a few weeks earlier after months away supposedly looking for the Akatsuki group. More likely playing peeping-tom while doing research for his books, Naruto thought. But when Jiraya had mentioned taking him out for some special training, Naruto had almost taken back all the bad things he was thinking about his erstwhile teacher. He should have known better. It did not help his mood at all that this hotel reminded him of the first training mission he had taken with Jiraya.

"Jiraya, where the heck ARE you?" Naruto whined to himself.

As if summoned, the legendary toad sage finally made an appearance.

"Naruto, are you in here?"

"Of course, old man. You told me to wait in the room, FOUR HOURS AGO!" Naruto squawked in annoyance.

"I had to get the supplies necessary for your training." Said Jiraya with a smirk, knowing that this was the simplest way to derail the boy's tirade.

"You mean it? We can start training now?" the boy said warily.

"Of course! That is why we're here, after all." Well that and that other thing, thought Jiraya.

"So what am I gonna learn? Advanced ninjutsu, special taijutsu, that toad stomach thing?" Naruto's face bore an uncanny and disturbing resemblance to Jiraaya's when he was talking about his research.

"Maybe later. Today we're going to work on special infiltration and interrogations skills." Jiraya smiled at his eager student, "In other words, we are going to work on your dating skills."

Naruto made it from sitting on the floor to standing by the window so fast Jiraya barely managed to grab his wrist to stop him. Twisting Naruto's arm behind his back Jiraya maneuvered his student back to the middle of the room and forced him to sit back down. " I'm doing this for your own good Naruto. The Fourth Hokage would never forgive me if I allowed your education in this matter to be neglected. Besides, I've done too much work setting this up to let you skip out on me. I will tie you up if I have to." Said Jiraya, unknowingly echoing a similar threat made by Sakura to Hinata.

Resigned to his fate (Naruto had no illusions about his sensei's ability or willingness to follow through on his threat) Naruto hunched on the ground glowering at the sennin. "And what would a peeping tom like you know about dating anyways?" Naruto mumbled under his breath.

"Believe it or not, back in my day I was quite the lady's man. I used to have a different girlfriend for every day of the week." Jiraya reminisced fondly.

"Only an echi like you would brag about something like that" was Naruto's reply, but secretly he was a little impressed. The pervy sage had always seemed like such a loser with the ladies, but maybe he did know what he was talking about.

"Tell me, Naruto, How would you go about getting a date with a girl you liked?"

After a few moments' introspection, Naruto finally replied, "Well, with Sakura, I always told her how cool I was, and that she should go out with me instead of mooning after Sasuke." Naruto barely flinched as he said that last name.

"And how did that work?" Jiraya asked, already knowing the answer.

"Not too well." Admitted Naruto. When Jiraya raised his eyebrow, Naruto expanded, "Sakura would beat me up and then go back to sighing over Sasuke." His scowl returned with a vengeance.

"And what did Sasuke do to get her attention?" continued Jiraya.

" Nothing! In fact he told the girls to go away, but they followed him even more."

"Exactly, the rarer the treasure, the more sought after it is." Seeing his student's perplexed expression, Jiraya tried to find a metaphor Naruto would understand, "Let's say you were given a choice between an everyday instant ramen or a special limited edition style of ramen, which would you choose?"

"The special ramen, I guess." Naruto said, still a little confused. "Wait, so your saying that girls thought that Sasuke was like the special ramen?" things were starting to click for Naruto.

"That's right Naruto! Because he was hard to get, girls thought he was more worth getting than you, who were practically throwing yourself at them." Light dawned in Naruto's eyes, but he didn't seem overly happy about it.

"Remember Naruto, the reverse holds true as well."

"Huh?"

"Guys go after what they can't have too." Privately Jiraya mused if everyone weren't a little bit masochistic in that regard.

"Are you trying to say the only reason I liked Sakura was…"

Noting Naruto's increasing anger at this suggestion, Jiraya halted him, "No, not the only reason. But maybe that's why you kept trying so hard?"

Naruto couldn't help but admit the possibility that his teacher was right. It didn't mean he had to like it.

"The important thing to try to keep in mind is that which is hard to get is not always better than that which is easier. The low hanging fruit is sometimes sweeter than the one at the top of the tree. Got it?"

Naruto nodded, "I think so, sensei, but… could we go eat something? All this talk of food is making me hungry." Naruto's stomach growled it's agreement.

At the restaurant, Jiraya spotted something that brought a smile to his lips. Something besides the cute waitress. "Ok, Naruto, on to the next lesson: how to recognize a girl's interest. Watch the waitress over there as she goes to the table with the single guy at it. Tell me what you see."

"Um, She seems a little shy around him, She looks at him when he's not looking, but looks down when he looks up. Also she is blushing a little. Now she is giggling at something he said. And now she just spilled his water glass while trying to fill it, and is a bit awkward trying to clean up the spill."

"Good observations. Now watch what happens at the table with the group of women."

"She's carrying a bunch of plates, and is putting them down with ease. I guess she's not such a klutz after all. Now she's laughing at something they said, and it's a much louder laugh than before. I don't get it, she seems way different than the last time." Naruto was a little perplexed by what he had seen.

"People often act different when they are around the object of their affections." Jiraya chuckled softly.

"So wait, your saying she likes him?" Naruto gestured at the guy with his thumb.

"Yes. Ah, here comes our food."

Naruto was unusually thoughtful through the rest of the meal.

After supper Jiraya took him around the village, "Noticing the change in behavior is an important part of determining if a girl is interested." With that Jiraya had Naruto observe various people's interactions, and then guess whether or not there was interest there. Fairly soon Naruto was getting the hang of it, so Jiraya called a halt to the exercise.

"Good, Naruto. But remember, the shift in behavior patterns will be harder to notice when you only have your experiences with the person to go by."

Suddenly a woman's voice was directed at their hiding place, "Who's hiding in there? Show yourself! If it's that pervert again, I'll thrash you good!" With that the handle of a broom was thrust repeatedly into the foliage of the tree, making for what looked like a very awkward version of twister. 'Again?' Thought Naruto.

"Run for it, kid." Cried Jiraya, before suiting actions to words.

After running in random directions for twenty minutes and using the Henge no Jutsu a few times to throw off pursuit, Naruto finally worked his way back to the hotel. To his utter lack of astonishment, Jiraya was not in evidence. Shrugging it off as Jiraya needing to blow off steam after being good and decent all afternoon (for Jiraya, anyways), Naruto got ready for bed. It had been a busy day, and he had a lot to think about.

OoOoOoO

Even as the object of her affections was retiring from his training, Hinata was preparing to resume hers. She'd managed to read four or five pages of that book the previous night, before coming to a passage where Princess Flush had passionately embraced her blond love, and Hinata had passionately embraced her pillow to her head to blot out the image. Then, just as she had been recovering from the shock, a stray thought had wandered in, wondering if Naruto were already asleep, which had led to a mental image of Naruto in his pajamas, which had led to a nose bleed and lights out for Hinata.

Naturaly this had made Hinata a bit discouraged when she had woken up this morning, Added to this was the embarrassment of having slept with a nosebleed and that book in plain view, where anyone who had walked in on her would have assumed she was a pervert. Naturally it did not occur to her that anyone who would walk in on her while she was sleeping was either a pervert or worse. Discouragement had faded in the face of determination. After all, hadn't she adopted Naruto's Nindo, to never give up and never go back on her word? It likewise never occurred to her that a promise made under duress maybe did not need to apply.

First, Hinata took the precaution of putting the dust-jacket of one of her other books on the outside of the Icha Icha book, in case a similar situation to last night occurred again. Also she put the box of tissues (oh so cutely concealed inside a plush teddy-bear cover) on her bedside table, in case she got a bloody nose. Finally, she settled herself into her pillows, her comforter drawn up around her knees, and began to read once more. This time she lasted a whole ten pages before a description of a deep kiss sent her into a deep faint, and shortly after, a deep sleep.

--End Chapter 2--

A/N: And on that note, I should be off to sleep as well. "But in your dreams, whatever they be, dream a little dream of me."

P.S.; Apologies if I stray OOC. I only go where the muse, and the story, lead me.


	3. Chapter 3: Get it off your chest

--Chapter 3: Get it off your chest--

A/N: A friendly warning: This chapter features the Sexy no Jutsu and Jiraya, and is titled "Get it off your chest". If you shock easily or are to young to understand the Sexy no Jutsu, I take no responsibility if you don't stop reading now. It's not TOO racy, but still.

--Chapter 3: Get it off your chest--

Naruto awoke to the second day of his new training regimen. He was aware of this fact because some considerate soul had prodded him in the side with their foot and shouted, "rise and shine, sleeping beauty. Time to work on your training!" Into his sleeping ears.

"All right already, Ojiisan, I'm up!" Naruto yelled back.

Jiraya was the soul of patience as he waited for Naruto to get ready. He only cajoled him to hurry up a half a dozen times, eight at the most.

Although Naruto was still a little weirded out by the whole business, he had to admit that he was glad to be receiving Jiraya's tips. A bunch of this stuff he knew he would never have noticed on his own. He was used to the giggling and the sighing that he had seen in the Sasuke fan-club, but who knew that blushing and nervousness were also signs of atraction. Something about that tickled at his memory, but he just couldn't quite place it.

Naruto just hoped that his sensei wasn't setting him up for something humiliating, like writing him into one of his books. He also hoped Jiraya wasn't trying to turn him into a pervert like he was. A mental image formed of Naruto wearing the toad-sage's outfit, and Naruto let out an involuntary cry of, "No! Anything but that!"

"What's the matter, short-stack? Did you run out of ramen?" Said Jiraya, with a smirk.

After Naruto had finished breakfast (kitsune style instant ramen), Jiraya set about explaining the next segment of the training. "Today we are going to learn about proper dating behavior. This means we will need to observe couples, and keep them from knowing they are observed so that they don't change their behavior."

"Isn't spying on couples a bit perverted, sensei?" Naruto asked, knowing the answer was an emphatic yes.

"Nonsense, we're only doing this to teach you proper behavior. Besides, I doubt any of the couples are going to do anything to risqué." Jiraya seemed a little disappointed by this last observation. "Anyhow," he continued, "the plan that provides the most likelihood of success is to pose as a couple ourselves to blend in."

"I hate to break it to you Jiraya, but that will never work. We're both guys, and I definitely don't swing that way."

"That's where your little jutsu comes in." smiled Jiraya.

It took a second to register with Naruto which jutsu Jiraya was referring to. "No way, you pervert! I'm not turning into a girl! Not gonna happen."

"Oh come on! I'm only suggesting this for your sake. I mean, you'd think a guy would want to be able to get a girlfriend, but if you insist…"

Knowing he was defeated, Naruto tried one last desperate ploy to postpone the inevitable humiliation, " But I don't have anything to wear."

"I've already thought of that." Jiraya smiled, with an evil gleam in his eye.

The first outfit Jiraya pulled out, a tube top and mini-skirt ensemble, earned a murderous glare from his pupil. Then Jiraya proved it to be a joke by pulling out a much more modest ensemble consisting of a sleeveless white collared blouse and an ankle length blue skirt. Naruto admitted to himself that if he hadn't been the punch-line, he too would be laughing at his sensei's joke.

After Naruto changed in the bathroom, the two headed out on their "date". Jiraya had also changed, into a much younger man. The facility with which he did so made Naruto suspect that it wasn't the first time he'd used this form.

First Jiraya took him to a popular café. Naruto was surprised at how well their disguise worked. No one paid the pair more than a passing notice. Now and again his sensei would lean in and point out something one of the other guys had done, and how it had been received. Naruto finally started to relax into his role a little, mostly because the perv hadn't tried anything. Besides, it really was interesting. It was as though the curtains were being drawn back on a world he barely knew existed.

For the second part of their observation mission, Jiraya took Naruto to a movie. Jiraya insisted that they sit near the back, so they could watch the couples throughout the theater. As they watched, some couples sat rigidly next to eachother, although more than one girl broke this separation when startled or scared by the movie. Other couples held hands, and one cute couple had the girl resting her head on her boyfriends shoulder. As the movie wore on, the couple in front of them started to make out, which slightly scandalized Naruto.

"Just so you know," Jiraya whispered, "you probably shouldn't expect to do that until you have been dating a while, and even then, it depends on the girl." With that, Jiraya casually grabbed female-Naruto's boob.

"You… Pervert!" Shrieked Naruto. Jumping to his feet, Naruto punched Jiraya in the head and ran out of the movie theater. It took a block for his fury to wear off enough to notice everyone staring at him. Looking down, he saw that the transformation jutsu had worn off. More worrisome was the fact that he was still dressed in the blouse and skirt he had been wearing. His embarrassment took a turn for the worse when Jiraya, in all his Toad-Sage glory, landed beside him and quipped,

"I didn't know you were into cross-dressing, Naruto."

His mortification complete, Naruto fled, leaving Jiraya collapsing on the ground in laughter.

OoOoOoO

Sakura finally managed to corner Ino, who she suspected was avoiding her. Deciding to soften Ino up a little, Sakura took her friend to their favorite sweets shop. Sakura managed to contain herself until after she bought Ino a slice of cake and sat her down at a table before bursting out,

"Ok Ino, spill it! How did you and lazy-bones become an item?"

The blond fidgeted a bit under her scrutiny, but didn't try to evade the question, "It started when everyone came back from that mission to retrieve Sasuke." Sakura managed to hide her flinch at that name. Ino continued, "Anyway, I felt pretty down about him leaving, but even worse that you were the one he said goodbye to." Sakura acknowledged the look her friend shot her, but privately wondered why her friend had been jealous of her, when Sasuke had all but stabbed her in the back on his way out of town.

"Shikamaru noticed I wasn't my usual upbeat self, and kept coming by to check on me. He always managed to cheer me up somehow. It was really sweet, actually. We would talk for hours, and after a while, I realized that I didn't miss Sasuke as much, and that I was kind of falling for Shika-kun. It's not a secret per se, but we don' know how to break it to Chouji without hurting his feelings. So please don't tell, ok/"

"I won't say anything," Sakura promised, "but you should tell him sooner rather than later, or he'll be hurt that you didn't trust him. That said, I'm glad for you."

"Thank you! You know, I'm really relieved not to have to keep this from you anymore. Any news on the Hinata front?"

"Not yet. She's been harder to catch than you have." Sakura smirked at her friend.

"Can you really blame her?" Laughed Ino.

A little while later, Sakura was surprised to see Hinata coming down the street toward her. Hinata's movements suggested that the blue-haired girl wasn't avoiding her, at least not per se.

"I wanted to say, thank you for helping me with my training. I have tried that… thing you suggested." Said Hinata in the direction of Sakura's shoes.

"And? How are things going?"

Hinata bit her lip, before forcing herself to meet Sakura in the eye. "I'm getting better, but I am still nowhere near the level I need to be." Stuttering slightly, Hinata managed to relate the results of her "training" to her friend.

Sakura was impressed that her friend was able to talk about this at all without blushing beet red or fainting. Clearly the treatment was working as intended. "Don't be discouraged, Hinata. You are doing great! At this rate you'll be able to talk to Naruto without blushing by the time he gets back from his training mission. I'm really proud of you." At all this praise Hinata couldn't help but blush, but it was only a little.

--End Chapter--

A/N: O.K., so I don't know if Jiraya would really be able to talk Naruto into doing this, but it was just too funny a situation to pass up. I don't think Hinata should be the only one to suffer embarrassment for the sake of their (Hinata and Naruto's) relationship. So she definitely won't be the only one… Mwa ha ha!

Thanks again to my reviewers. Glad you like it so far.


	4. Chapter 4: Pink and Orange

Chapter 4: Pink and Orange

Thanks for the reviews. I'm glad to see some of you enjoy reading this as much as I do.

This chapter is mostly set up for the next one(s), so unfortunately our couple to be won't be suffering "the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" all that much this chapter. I felt Naruto deserved a little break before what is going to happen, or he might just run away.

Chapter 4: Pink and Orange

Sakura wandered the streets of Konoha, lost in thought. The memory of the determination in her student's eyes brought a smile to here lips, and she smiled again thinking about Ino and Shikamaru. But in between, without her being aware of it, the corners of her mouth sunk downward into a frown. Slowly she became conscious that her feet had led her away from the bustle of the markets and towards the ninja training grounds. Some exercise might shake loose the weird mood she was in, she thought.

She found herself crossing a familiar bridge, and could see the path that led to a field where three logs stood. At first a smile once again graced her lips as she thought of her first day as a gennin. Her smile faded as she thought of her teammates. They were polar opposites, Naruto and Sasuke. The dark haired boy and the blond, first place and dead last, one quiet, the other loud. One she had loved, and one who had loved her. Both were so lonely. And now she was the lonely one. She wished she could see them standing at either side of her, as they had during the days of being a team. For now she would settle for a familiar face, and she thought she might know where to find one.

Sure enough, when she arrived at the memorial stone, she found Kakashi. At first she was a little embarrassed to interrupt him, but he looked over at her before she could change her mind and walk away.

"What's up Sakura? Are you here to borrow the next Icha Icha novel?" Kakashi conveyed a smile at her via his visible eye.

"N-no, sensei, I just…" Sakura's frown returned, "I was just thinking about the past." Sakura finished lamely. She still wasn't sure why she had sought out her old teacher.

"Well, that is a fairly popular pastime for people who come here, I suppose." Kakashi's eyes conveyed kindness towards his former student. He could tell something was troubling her, and had a fair idea what it was. He had never been comfortable in the role of mentor to these kids, but he also knew that he would rather deal with his embarrassment than shut out the two that remained, and risk having what happened to Sasuke happen again. "Was it any particular memory?" Kakashi attempted to keep the conversation going.

"Well, I happened by the old training ground, and that got me thinking of our old team."

Sakura's slightly sad tone indicated to Kakashi what those thoughts might have been.

"It's never easy when your team-mates aren't around." Kakashi said as gently as he could. After all, he mused, he should know as well as anyone. "It's hurts to lose the one you love. And I can only imagine how much it hurts to have the person you care about most betray you."

Sakura nodded numbly. A tear escaped to roll down her face, but she scrubbed it away with her palm, and fiercely fought the rest back with a scowl. "I just feel so stupid, still crying over him. The people who used to be rivals for his affection have moved on, found other people to be with. I really wish I could too. It's been almost two years, for heaven's sake. How long is it going to take?" Sakura was losing the battle with her tear ducts, and her cheeks were damp. She consoled herself that it was her frustration, rather than that bastard, that was making her cry.

"You knew Sasuke better than any of your rivals. He was your friend and teammate, and so it would make sense for you to need more time to grieve him than they do. To answer your question, it takes as long as it takes. I won't lie to you Sakura, some of that pain will always be there. I still miss my teammates, my love, but it did get better with time. Then again, I may not be the best person to give advice. In some ways I don't think I've ever moved on. The thought of giving my heart again only to lose it again was just too much to face. So I get my dose of romance in other ways." Kakashi held up the book with a sad smile. "The life of a ninja is hard, almost everyone in the village has lost loved ones, and everyone gets through it in their own way. I think you may have already found yours." The last statement almost sounded like a question.

Sakura considered this for a little while. She supposed that her butting in to her friends love lives was not all that different than Kakashi and his books. It allowed her to feel the goodness of relationships, without putting her heart on the line. She nodded at her teacher.

"Good. But if you ever need it, I've got plenty of novels you could borrow." Kakashi said in a mock serious tone. "By the way, how did the children enjoy your book donation."

Sakura couldn't help but laugh, and it felt indescribably good to do so. "I think they are finding it very educational." She answered, aping his serious tone before lapsing back into laughter. Kakashi joined in. After a few minutes, their laughter subsided, and Kakashi fished a handkerchief out of one of his ninja pouches and handed it to Sakura. After she had finished wiping her face, she noticed the flowery touches in the corner. Looking up at her sensei, she saw he was a little pink in the face. She tried not to giggle too hard as she handed it back to him with a, "thank you, sensei."

OoOoOoO

Naruto was definitely not laughing. He was in the shower, trying to scrub away the humiliation of having had to go on a _date_ with Jiraya, of having been groped by that perv, and of having been seen in women's clothes. "I'll get him back for this. Believe it!" Naruto grumbled under his breath. As he was contemplating his revenge, his eyes fell on the toad sage's bath things, and a smile came to his face at last.

A few hours later when Jiraya came back to their hotel room, Naruto sat scowling at a wall, ignoring his teacher.

"Naruto, look, I'm sorry about this afternoon. Tell you what, I'll take you out to dinner, after I take a shower."

Naruto continued glowering at the wall, ignoring his teacher. Jiraya went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Naruto listened while his teacher sang happily over the sound of running water. He listened when the water turned off. He visualized his teacher going to stand in front of the mirror.

"Aaaagh! Naruto!" Jiraya yelled. The door to the bathroom flew open, revealing Jiraya with a towel wrapped around his waist, and with a head of pink hair. The room was empty, but his student's laughter drifted back to him through the open window.

Jiraya got dressed, and then headed out after his student. With a little effort, he managed to locate Naruto's chakra signature, (he'd have to teach him to mask it better later) and dropped down in front of him. Naruto backed away from the pink haired man with the dangerous gleam in his eye.

"Ne, ne, Sensei. It was just a joke! Fair's fair, right? Don't be angry. It'll come out in a few washings. I'm sorry!" Naruto closed his eyes and prepared for his beating, but it never came.

"You're right, Naruto. Fair is fair. I forgive you." Jiraya patted his student on the head.

Naruto looked at Jiraya in surprise for a moment, then brightened. "Ne, so where are we going to go for dinner?" Naruto asked hopefully.

"Anywhere you like." Said Jiraya generously.

"Really? Your so cool." Naruto was enthusiastic.

"But you're paying." Jiraya's grin was less than nice.

"Aww man!" Naruto mumbled under his breath about stupid old perverts who couldn't take a joke. Jiraya smiled faintly, he could say the same for loudmouth brats. _Oh well_, he thought, _I'll just have to give him some more opportunities to learn how to take a joke. It's my responsibility as a teacher._

OoOoOoO

Hinata had found that exercise was the best method to calm herself down after a reading session. Concentrating on each movement of the Jyuuken katta left no room for the embarrassing images that _that book_ inspired. The courtyard where she practiced was dark, but she had her eyes closed anyways, feeling the placement of her limbs in space, feeling second to second where her balance lay over her feet, the thrumming flow of blood through her veins, and chakra through her coil system. It was strange how the thing that brought her so much anxiety to perform in front of her family and team mates brought her such peace to practice in solitude. Not for the first time, she wished that the easy grace she had on her own would carry over to when she needed it in real life. It was as though she were two people; one who effortlessly succeeded, and one who tried so hard only to fail. She wished to show the world that hidden grace, or at the least one person. She wanted to prove Naruto right for always believing in her.

Inside the house, Neji was looking for Hinata. Their relationship had changed significantly since the chunin exam where he had nearly killed her. He had changed during that exam, letting go of his belief in fate, even as he let go of his hatred for the main branch, and of Hinata. He had taken on with all his heart the roll of protector for his cousin, and so had taken to offering her training when he could. He knocked on Hinata's door before peeking his head in to see if she was there. Seeing she was absent, he was about to go, when he spotted the book on her bed. The dust cover did not match the orange cover peeking out. He had seen such orange covers before, but he wasn't sure where. His curiosity overcoming his good manners, he walked over to the book and pulled it from its covering. _Icha Icha Paradise volume 8_ read the spine. That was the name of… Neji's eyes widened in shock. Carefully he replaced the cover on the book and put it back where he had found it. Then he left the room, shut the door, and hurried back to his own room. He couldn't believe his cousin was into such things. She was easier to shock than he was, a fact which his teammate Tenten good-naturedly teased them both about. At the thought of his teammate, a faint blush came to his face. Much as he dreaded the inevitable ribbing that would follow, he knew he would need to consult with her about this. Something just didn't seem to fit.

---End Chapter 4---

There you have it. Sorry if it wasn't as funny as the last one but some things need to be set up. The magic eight ball predicts humiliation in Naruto and Hinata's future. (sorry Hinata!) Hope to see you all soon.


	5. Chapter 5: Date or Die

Chapter 5: Date or Die

Chapter 5: Date or Die

Jiraya and Naruto sat down to what amounted to a treaty dinner celebrating the end of hostilities between the two parties resulting from Jiraya squeezing Naruto's boob during a training mission. Or so they had decided. The dinner in question was at a Korean barbeque place, a kind of restaurant that, although not Naruto's favorite kind, he had learned to appreciate due to his friendship with Chouji.

"Don't you dare order too much sake or food, sensei. I need to make my wallet last until we get home." Naruto admonished his teacher.

"Lighten up, Naruto. This is a celebration, right? You can't celebrate without a little sake and some food, can you?" Jiraya replied reasonably.

"As long as it IS a little bit, that's fine. Just don't go overboard." Pleaded the young ninja.

"This from the guy who always downs ten bowls of ramen when ever I buy him lunch." Jiraya countered irritably. Naruto responded with puppy-dog-eyes and pouting until Jiraya relented, "Oh fine, I'll try to keep myself from going nuts. Are you happy, you spoil-sport?"

True to his word, Jiraya only ordered one dish and one drink off the menu when their waitress came to take their order. Naruto silently thanked the gods.

"Now that that's out of the way, I think we should talk about your training. Normally I would have a student practice the first two steps a little before moving on to the third, but I think you have learned all you can from those exercises." Naruto chose to ignore that this apparent compliment could be taken more than one way. "with that in mind, tomorrow you will progress to the third phase of your training; Dating practice. Tomorrow you will be tasked with securing a date with an individual of your choice, and then going on said date until its conclusion. You will be graded on choice of partner, location, and performance."

"In other words, you are going to spy on me while I go on a date." Naruto said.

"I'll be there to observe and assist in case something goes wrong. Just think of it like the proctors of the chunin exam." Said Jiraya, radiating patriarchal goodness.

Something going wrong like my date mysteriously loosing her shirt. I know you're up to something, you old lech, thought Naruto. instead he asked, "what, besides your watching over me, makes this anything other than a real date?"

"I'm glad you asked, Naruto. There are two things I still need to tell you. First, your mission success scenario: you need to get a kiss from your date in order to complete this mission." Naruto glared at his teacher. "Normally your goal would be to get in your date's pants, but I have no desire to die at the hands of Tsunade, so I'll settle for this lesser challenge." Naruto could hardly believe his teacher could say such a thing like it was nothing. Before he could respond, the waitress came with their food, and Naruto did not want to cause a scene by yelling at his teacher in front of her. When she had left, his teacher forestalled his outburst by continuing.

"Second, I have noticed that you perform best under pressure, so I've decided to attach a penalty condition should you fail. I haven't fully formulated what this punishment will entail, but it will include remedial training, in that mini-skirt ensemble no less." Jiraya had to pause for a moment to wipe the drool from the side of his mouth. Naruto knew it had nothing to do with the enticing smell of the cooking meat. His mouth, in contrast, was dry with fear, contemplating the horror his teacher was suggesting. "Enticing though that would be, I will do what I can to assist you in completing your mission. Good luck."

With that Jiraya began to eat. By the time Naruto recovered his composure, Jiraya had finished his own plate and worked his way through half of Naruto's order. Naruto cursed under his breath, then looked around for their waitress and signaled for her to bring another plate of food. At the same time, Jiraya signaled for another bottle of Sake. Naruto glared at his teacher, but the toad sage took no notice.

While Naruto waited for his new dinner to arrive, he decided to ask a few of the questions he still had. "Sensei, why are we training here, instead of Konoha?"

Jiraya smiled, "This type of training is easier to undertake away from home, for the simple reason that if you mess up, none of your friends need to know. Also, it's better not to practice on someone that may be the friend of someone you end up trying to date. Girls tend to talk about us behind our backs. Lastly, Tsunade would have come after me if I tried to teach you in Konoha. This way it's a done deal before she can object."

Naruto could think of no response to that. He ate his food in silence while Jiraya finished his sake. Suddenly Jiraya stood up. "Excuse me a moment, I have to go to the bathroom."

After waiting ten minutes for his teacher to return, Naruto scanned the restaurant. Sure enough, Jiraya had insinuated himself into a booth full of younger women. Naruto rolled his eyes and signaled their waitress. He paid for their dinners, the drinks Jiraya had already ordered (including a round for the other table) and another bottle of sake, as well as a generous tip for their waitress for having to put up with his sensei. Then he asked her to let Jiraya know he was going back to the hotel, thanked her, and left.

The clear night sky and cool breezes helped to sooth his nerves. Once his annoyance with Jiraya faded, the enormity of his task the next day started to weigh on him. He was sure he would pull it off somehow, No way was he going on another date with Jiraya, especially not in such skimpy clothes. That was practically inviting being molested. Stupid perv. For a moment he considered abandoning this training and hightailing it back to Konoha, but he couldn't stomach backing down from a challenge, even one as stupid and perverted as this one. Besides, if he did that, there was no way he would be able to convince the old goat to teach him more jutsu. Not to mention Jiraya's promise that this would get him a girlfriend back home, though far-fetched, was tempting. Alright! He would do the best he could, and make his first date one he would remember with pride.

OoOoOoO

Neji had trouble focusing on practicing with his teammates. A few times Lee managed to get past his defenses and land solid hits, the second time nearly knocking him out. While Lee was getting better every day, it was clear to everyone that Neji's mind was not on the task at hand. Gai sensei called an early halt to their training session, despite the fact that it was rare they got the chance to train together with all the missions Tsunade had each of them running. Never the less, Gai could see that if they kept it up, Neji was likely to end up in the hospital, and that Lee would still not receive satisfactory training. Instead, Gai challenged Lee to one of their insane (in every sense) feats of training. Tenten packed up her scrolls in preparation to go train on her own, but Neji finally overcame his reticence and asked her to stay, "If you don't mind, Tenten, there is something I would like to talk to you about."

Tenten flushed a little, but nodded. "Sure Neji, what's on your mind."

"First I would like to apologize in advance if I offend you. I am not used to discussing such things, and I am unsure of the protocol." Tenten's blush deepened as she nodded. "I recently came across evidence that someone I know was reading… was reading an Icha Icha Paradise novel." Neji's blush was more pronounced than Tenten's had been. Tenten smiled, _I guess he's not asking me out after all_, she thought. "I was wondering if it was unusual for girls to read such things."

"That would depend on the girl, I guess. But no, most girls our age do not read Icha Icha Paradise, at least not that I know of." Tenten noticed Neji's blush at the mention of that tittle. She smiled, filing that tidbit away.

"I thought not. Well, I don't want to trouble you further with this. Thank you for your help." Neji turned to go, but this time Tenten stopped him.

"Neji, this is obviously bugging you. Please, let me help if I can."

Neji considered for a long moment before nodding. "In truth, I would welcome your help, because I have no idea where to begin." Neji let out a long sigh.

"Why don't we start at the beginning. What's all this about?" Tenten gestured that they both sit down and then flopped down herself. Neji sat down beside her. A small smile came to her lips, as a faint blush came to her face.

"I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but I trust you." Tenten's blush deepened a fraction. "The person who I found with… the book… was Hinata." The cuteness of Neji's difficulty dealing with the subject was quickly overshadowed by her own shock.

"Does she know you found her out?" Tenten asked.

"No. I happened upon it while looking for her in her room. She wasn't there. But it struck me as very strange that she would be reading… that."

"It certainly does seem srange." Tenten agreed. She was surprised neither of the young Hyuugas had spontaneously combusted from embarrassment when they laid eyes on the book.

"I don't know what to do. It will be hard enough ignoring it, and facing my cousin in the compound as though nothing has happened. However, I can't help wondering if something is wrong, and if Hinata needs my help."

Neji's protectiveness of his cousin since the chunin exams was one of the reasons Tenten found herself drawn to him. "I'll help you in any way I can."

"Would you be there, with me, when I talk to my cousin?" Neji sounded almost scared at the prospect of facing his cousin. If not for the circumstances, this fact would have been almost funny to Tenten.

Instead, she nodded, "Of course. I've always got your back, when you need it."

Neji couldn't help but agree with the truth of that statement. _One problem at a time_, he thought.

OoOoOoO

Naruto was frustrated. Nothing was working. Half the day was gone, and he still hadn't gotten a date for the evening. It looked like he would have to take his chances with Jiraya again. As he walked through the park, he heard the sound of a small child crying.

Following the sound, he saw a young boy standing under a tree. Something about it reminded him of himself, and he momentarily forgot about his mission.

"Ne, what's wrong?" he asked.

The boy looked at him sadly, "My toy got stuck in the tree." He said.

"Don't be sad, I'll get it down for you in no time." Naruto smiled at the boy. Then he turned to the tree and ran up the side. Looking around, he spotted a brightly colored object, and went to investigate. The Toy consisted of a flat piece of bamboo with a round bamboo stick coming out of the middle, painted in a number of bright colors. Naruto remembered seeing other kids playing with them when he was young. Carefully disentangling it from the twigs that held it, naruto freed the toy, and then jumped down to present it to the boy.

The boy's mouth gaped at Naruto. Remembering himself, the boy stuttered out a thank-you, and then ran over to hide behind a young woman that Naruto guessed was his sister. The young woman laughingly calmed the boy, and then, still smiling, walked over to where Naruto stood.

"Forgive my brother. We don't see too many ninja around here, especially not ones who take the time to retrieve toys from trees. Thank you." The woman bowed to Naruto.

"Please! You're embarrassing me. It was nothing." Naruto said getting flustered and rubbing the back of his head.

"You're really not like the ninja we usually get around here." Giggled the woman.

"How do you mean?" Asked Naruto, puzzled.

Suddenly the woman looked a little worried, "Well… we see ninja guarding merchant trains and such, but they usually seem so fierce and aloof. I apologize if I am being impertinent, ninja-sama."

"Please, enough with the formality! Call me Naruto. I'm sorry if other ninja were jerks to nice people like you." Naruto finished earnestly.

"Thank you, n-Naruto." Naruto smiled at her. "My name's Kaede."

"It's nice to meet you Kaede. And your brother too." Naruto smiled at the boy shyly hiding behind his sister. "Listen, I'm new in town, and don't really know anybody. If it's not any trouble, would you mind if I hung out with you both for a little while?"

Kaede blushed a little, but nodded, "Sure, if you're not busy, that would be fine."

"How about you?" Naruto bent down to ask the boy.

"'Kay" the boy nodded.

"Great, so what do you want to do first?" Naruto asked excitedly.

Naruto spent a good chunk of the afternoon playing with the young boy, who's name was Miko. First Miko would launch his toy into the air and Naruto would jump up to grab it. Then, when they tired of that game, they ran around the park playing tag and other such games. Kaede laughed at how playful and childlike Naruto was, but marveled at how tireless he was. When Miko got tired out. The three sat under a tree, and Naruto talked with Kaede while Miko took a nap. Naruto asked questions about Kaede and her family, and responded to her questions about his life as a ninja. As the afternoon wore on, Naruto acknowledged to himself that he liked the girl, and that she seemed to like him, too. but he didn't want to ask her out under false pretences. Steeling his resolve, he decided to broach the subject.

"Listen Kaede, I feel I have to tell you something. My teacher gave me a mission to get a date for tonight. Its stupid, especially because that was the last thing in my mind when I met you, and if I had met you under other circumstances, I think I might have asked you out anyways. Just maybe not so quickly." Naruto smiled sheepishly at Kaede, who was blushing.

"You're… really sweet Naruto. Thank you for being honest with me. I guess I owe a little to your teacher too, because otherwise who knows if we would have ever had that date." Her eyes twinkled mischievously.

"You mean...?" Asked Naruto, slightly dumbfounded.

"I would love to go out to dinner with you, Naruto."

"Really? That's so wonderful! Thanks Kaede!" Naruto radiated relief and enthusiasm like a small sun. Kaede laughed, then affected a stern look, "As long as you aren't hiding any other sinister motives."

"I promise." Sing-songed Naruto, and they both burst out laughing.

"So, shall I meet you here at six?" Naruto asked.

"Sure, that sounds good." Kaede agreed.

Naruto bid goodbye to the pair, especially to the still groggy Niko, and then headed back towards the hotel. He was not surprised when Jiraya landed next to him in the street.

"Well she was cute." Smirked the Toad Sage.

"Yes, and nice, and above all sweet. So please please pleeeeeease don't do anything perverted tonight." Naruto begged his teacher.

"What do you take me for?" Jiraya responded huffily.

Naruto fixed him with a puppy dog stare until Jiraya relented.

"Ok fine. I wasn't going to do anything to her anyways." Jiraya pouted.

"Thanks sensei, I guess I owe you for all this training and stuff." Naruto beamed.

"Sure, squirt." Jiraya sounded a little choked up.

---End Chapter---

A thousand apologies for ending it before we got to the date, but it was getting long, and I thought it better to update earlier than later. I also wasn't 100% sure of what I am going to have happen on Naruto's date (don't worry, I'm not out of ideas, just trying to firm up the timeline). Keep your eyes peeled, I'm sure I'll update soon.


	6. Chapter 6: Ka Ka Kaede

Greetings loyal readers, thank you for your patience. I had a few busy days, including a long Halloween. Naruto's date ran long, and I wanted to get it all in there instead of teasing you along. S.G.'s warning: some parts may cause diabetes and tooth decay. So without further ado, here it is, and hopefully worth the wait.

Chapter 6: Ka-Ka-Kaede

Neji and Tenten waited for Hinata to finish practice. The mood was a little awkward. Neji was so tense about the coming confrontation that Tenten was afraid more than once that he would copy his cousin and pass out. For her part, Tenten felt both closer than ever to Neji, and yet impossibly distant. Twice she raised her hand to reach out and try to calm him, but each time the impulse succumbed to fear of how he might react, of how hard it might be to pull her hand away again.

"Tenten." Neji's voice broke through her musings, and she looked up. "I wanted to thank you, again, for being here with me. I can't express how much your support, how much your friendship, means to me. I could not ask… for a better friend." Neji smiled at the girl. Tenten blushed, suddenly understanding Hinata's fainting fits a lot better. Through her partially blurred vision, she saw their quary past Neji's head. Tenten signaled to him to look, as she fought to bring herself under control. Seeing Neji was hesitating, she pushed him towards his cousin.

"Hinata-san" called out Neji. Hinata looked up, slightly startled. "Hinata, I need to apologize to you."

Hinata looked shocked. She couldn't recall anything Neji had done to her worthy of an apology. In fact, she couldn't recall having seen her cousin in the last 24 hours. "Apologize to me? What for?"

"Yesterday, I went to your room to invite you to train with me, and I saw something I shouldn't have." Neji looked distinctly uncomfortable.

Terror bubbled up inside Hinata, but she forced herself to ask the question, "What kind of something?"

Neji almost couldn't bring himself to say it, but he drew strength from Tenten being near him and forced it out. "A… book."

Hinata swallowed as her worst fears were confirmed. She turned bright red and began to twiddle her fingers as though it were a jutsu to make her disappear.

Neji bowed at the waist, "Please forgive this intrusion into your privacy. I would have spared you the embarrassment of bringing it up, except it seemed so strange, I was worried about you."

Despite her embarrassment, Hinata was deeply touched. Neji wasn't disgusted with her? He was… worried about her? "Neji…"

Finally her cousin looked up at her, his eyes still filled with concern.

"I-I'm sorry to have worried you. The book… the book was given… the book is part of a training Sakura devised to help me with a… erm, problem."

Neji nodded, although he still didn't quite understand. Now he knew how to find out without embarrassing his cousin more. "Again, sorry Hinata. I'll take my leave now."

"Its ok. Ano, Neji, would you like to work on my training this evening?"

Neji grasped at the opportunity to make amends to Hinata. "Sure, lets pick a time after dinner." Neji smiled in thanks to his cousin.

"Ok." Hinata smiled back. Then Hinata made her way toward the house, while Neji went in search of a certain pink-haired girl.

OoOoOoO

Halfway across town, a certain pink-haired girl was sitting down to a bowl of Ichiraku's finest. Normaly she only went to the ramen shop in the company of her teammate, but she had been on something of a nostalgia kick of late. The owner and his daughter fondly greeted the girl's return to their shop, and asked after her, and of course her teammate as well. She answered their unspoken question, "Naruto is due back in the next week. Don't worry, you won't be without your number one customer for long." They all laughed at that. Just as she was about to tuck in to the divine smelling soup, an agitated Huuga landed in the seat beside her.

"Sakura-san, may I ask what you are trying do to Hinata?" Neji's tone held just a hint of menace.

Before Sakura could even respond, Tenten appeared and placed a hand on Neji's shoulder. "Wait, Neji. I think I have a pretty good idea what is going on."

Both Neji and Sakura stared at Tenten in astonishment.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, Sakura, but the treatment Hinata referred to was to cure her of her unfortunate tendancy to faint whenever…"

Before Tenten could elaborate, Sakura had grabbed them both and dragged them into the street. "If you bumbling idiots reveal Hinata's secret, so help me I'll…" Sakura trailed off, satisfied at the chagrinned expression on both of their faces. "But yes Tenten is essentially correct. I am trying to help Hinata overcome her more extreme symptoms of shyness and embarrassment."

Tenten smiled appreciatively. "It's really quite ingenious. If it works, I can think of a few others it might be good for." Everyone blushed at this statement, but especially Neji.

"Just don't let Jiraya know his books are actually good for something." Said Sakura, to universal laughter. "And now, I've got a bowl of Ramen waiting in there, so why don't you two join me?"

With that the three friends went back inside Ichiraku.

OoOoOoO

When Naruto and Jiraya got back to the hotel, Naruto dove into the bathroom to get a start on getting ready. It wasn't until he got out of the shower that he noticed something was wrong. More specifically, something was missing; his clothes. Leaping out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, Naruto saw that all of his clothes had decided to take the afternoon off. After searching for a while, with no luck, he happened to open the closet, where he found an unfamiliar set of clothes, and a note.

_Naruto,_

_The most potent tool in the arsenal of a man's wardrobe is the James Dean outfit. Wear it with pride, my pupil. I have no doubt you will pass your test, thanks in no small part to my training, but also because it is in your blood. Now, I have taken the liberty of dealing with a few details concerning your date, to help smooth your way. First, get dressed. Then, go to the flower-shop down the street and ask for the order held in your name. Go get your date, and then take her to the Tortoise Shell restaurant, where a reservation is waiting in your name. I'll be there to help you out if you get into trouble. Have fun kid, and remember, smoochy-smoochy or you fail. Your sensei, _

_The Great Love-Sage Jiraya_

Naruto was pissed, but also confused. What did he mean about "in my blood"? and what was a James Dean? He took the clothes out of the closet and laid them out on the bed. Fortunately there was a pair of underwear to go with them. Unfortunately, they were of the tighty-whitey variety, but beggars can't be choosy. There was also a pair of dark blue pants that looked too tight, a white t-shirt, and a black leather jacket. Reluctantly he put them all on. It wasn't as if he could find other clothes without having something to wear to locate them. As he considered this, he realized something important. His wallet, not to mention his ninja supplies, were all with his clothes. With that realization, he knew he was stuck with the outfit. He almost decided to stay home, but standing Kaede up was not something he was willing to do. He had given his word, and he never went back on it. He would just have to make do with a bad situation, and hope Kaede would understand about the weird outfit.

Down in the lobby of the hotel, Naruto was shocked to see the woman behind the counter look at his butt. It made him painfully aware that his pants left just enough to the imagination to be worse than wearing only his boxers. He had never felt so naked. He tried not to notice the appreciative looks he got from the women he passed in the street, and hoped the flower seller was male.

Unfortunately, luck was not on his side. The girl behind the counter was a few years younger than him, but not young enough to stop her staring. He didn't know which of the two of them was blushing more. When he asked if she had an order for a Naruto Uzumaki, her efficiency as a shopkeeper took over, sparing him further embarrassment. She went over to a cooler and pulled out a beautiful paper box, which she brought to the counter and opened for him. Inside were two small arrangements nestled in tissue paper; a corsage and a boutonniere, featuring two delicate pink roses that darkened to red at the tips. A misty expression crossed the girl's eyes and she confided in Naruto, "I wish someone cute would buy me one of these someday." Before handing the box over to him. Naruto thanked the girl and walked out of the shop, afraid to look back in case he caught her staring at his rear.

As he walked to the park, he reconciled himself to the looks he was receiving. _I guess it beats the glares I get at home. I just need to get through tonight, and then I __**will**__ get my clothes back_, Naruto thought to himself. He arrived at the park a little bit early, but his date was already waiting for him. Kaede was dressed in a lovely blue and green colored Yukata, and had done up her hair with combs. The effect was quite lovely.

"Ano, sorry about my outfit, my sensei played a trick on me and hid all my clothes, so it was this or nothing." Naruto rubbed the back of his head and smiled apologetically.

_That's two I owe his sensei_, thought Kaede. "That's ok, you look great… I mean fine." Kaede fought back a blush.

"You look very nice yourself." Said Naruto. Now they were both blushing. "Ano, this is for you." Naruto proffered the box.

Kaede gasped as she opened the box, "These are beautiful! Thank you Naruto." With that, she put on her corsage, and then came over to him and put the Boutonniere in his jacket's lapel. Their close proximity dragged on a little, before Kaede stepped back, blushing.

"Shall we go to the restaurant?" Naruto asked, gallantly offering the girl his arm.

She smiled at him as she slipped her hand through the crook of his elbow. "Lead on."

The Tortoise Shell did indeed have a reservation waiting for them. As the Maitre D. led them to their table, an intimate candle-lit affair, Naruto spotted a familiar head of formerly white hair. On impulse he thanked the Maitre D. and steered his date over to his teachers table. "Kaede, I would like to introduce you to my sensei, Jiraya. Jiraya, this is Kaede."

Kaede bowed formally, "It is a pleasure to meet you. Naruto has told me a bit about you. Thank you for looking after him." She said, with a faint blush.

"The pleasure is all mine." Said the Toad Sage with a goofy grin.

"Ano, sensei, are you going to give my wallet back so I can pay for this?" Asked Naruto worriedly.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of this." Said Jiraya. "You kids go have fun." Jiraya patted Naruto on the back.

Naruto walked Kaede back to their table, and pulled her chair out for her. Then he went and sat down himself. "This place is really fancy. I've never been to a place like this before." Naruto admitted.

Kaede relaxed a bit. "Oh good. I thought I was the only one who hadn't." Kaede smiled at him.

Naruto found himself smiling back. After a minute, he realized he should be looking at the menu, so he tore himself away to do so. His eyes widened at the prices, but he thought, hey, it's pervy sage's money. There was no ramen anywhere on the menu, but there was a black pork tonkatsu that sounded good. He put down his menu, and looked at Kaede as she read hers. _She really is cute_, he mused. Aware that he might be staring a little, he asked whether she saw anything she liked. She blushed at the unintentional double meaning.

"There are a couple of salads that look good, I think I'll get one of those." Kaede put down her menu. The two resumed smiling at eachother. Fortunately the waiter came quickly. "The gentleman over there already ordered you an appetizer. Could I get you anything to drink?"

"I'll have a lemonade." Naruto replied.

"That sounds good, I'll have one too." Kaede nodded.

"Very good. And have you decided on dinner?"

"I'll have the scallop salad." Said Kaede.

"I'll have the tonkatsu." Naruto chimed in.

"Excellent, your oysters will be here shortly." With that, the waiter was off.

Naruto almost made a face at the mention of oysters, but curbed the impulse when he saw the blush the word caused on his date.

"What is it, Kaede? What's wrong?" Naruto said with concern.

"You know what the say about oysters." Kaede said blushing deeper.

Naruto shook his head. He hadn't a clue what she meant.

"They say… oysters are… an aphrodesiac." Kaede barely managed to say the last part.

Naruto's eyes were wide with shock. Anger flared, "That pervert! I'm so sorry Kaede, I should have known he would do something like this. Don't worry, I'll go tell the waiter to cancel the order." Naruto started to get up, but Kaede grabbed his hand.

"No, it's ok. I don't want to make a scene. But… thank you." Kaede smiled, happy that Naruto was so protective of her. The worry that had sprung up when the waiter mentioned the oysters was gone; there was no way he was trying to seduce her. He was too nice a person to try something like that. She found herself wondering at her good fortune; this day was like something out of a fairy tale. "Ano, Naruto?"

Naruto was interrupted from worrying if his sensei had any more surprises planned for them, and realized with a start that he had been neglecting his date. Suppressing a blush at his mistake, Naruto nodded, "Yes, Kaede?"

"Ano, forgive me, but… why don't you have a girlfriend?" Realizing that that could sound like criticism, Kaede forged ahead, "Sorry, that came out wrong. It's just, you're such a good guy, I would imagine you would have tons of admirers back home. Not that I'm complaining about my good luck, or anything, I'm just surprised you're single." Kaede was blushing profusely by the end. Naruto looked a little flushed himself.

"Weeell, until recently I was too dense to notice whether I had any admirers, but most of the girls at school were chasing after this guy named Sasuke." Sadness crossed his eyes as he said the name, and Kaede didn't think it was from jealousy. "The truth is, when I was young, most of the people in the village didn't like me, so I never stood much chance getting a date. Plus, I was kinda obnoxious." Naruto smiled in remembrance of his former self, and his pursuit of his teammate. Kaede couldn't imagine why people would have disliked the sweet boy in front of her. Before she could comment, however, Naruto continued, "Anyways, the girl I was pursuing ended up as more of a sister to me, and I hadn't really looked at my prospects since then." A mischievous look crossed Naruto's face. "I could ask you the same question. What's a sweet and lovely girl like you doing without a boyfriend?" He grinned at the blush this inspired.

"Well, I spend most of my time looking after my brother so my parents can work, and so I don't get to meet too many people." Kaede looked a little sad.

"Well the guys here don't know what they're missing." Naruto smiled at her.

Kaede smiled back. "The same goes for the girls in your village."

Because things were getting a bit saccharine, the waitress arrived with their food. As Naruto turned to thank her, she suddenly sat down in his lap.

Naruto turned bright red as she threw her arms around his neck. "What? What are you doing?" He struggled away from her as she tried to kiss him. "Stop that!" He didn't want to hurt her, so he continued struggling ineffectually.

"You should ditch her and go out with me." The waitress purred at him. This was the wrong thing to say, and Naruto pushed her off of him. "I am on a **date** with **her**. And I am perfectly happy with my choice." Before Naruto could reply further, he was practically tackled by Kaede as she embraced him. This time he was unprepared to fight off the kiss.

Naruto was blown away. It seemed like forever before his scattered wits started to return to him. With them came the unwelcome realization that something strange was going on. He supposed he looked good in these pants, and he was more confident than he used to be, but women didn't just throw themselves at him. Kaede snuggled into his chest, making it very hard to continue thinking. Her uncharacteristic behavior only reinforced his train of thought. "Ano, Kaede? This is really nice, and all, but I… I have to go to the bathroom." Naruto hoped that that would spare the girls feelings.

Kaede realized that she was doing and eeped. Blushing, she let go of Naruto and backed away. "Of course." _What is going on with me_, she thought. _I never act this way_.

Naruto grabbed his teacher on the way to the bathroom. "May I borrow you for a moment, sensei?" Naruto hauled his teacher towards the bathrooms.

"What's all this about, Naruto?" Jiraya shook free of Naruto and faced him.

"I could ask you the same question, sensei. Something weird is going on here, and I'm betting you're behind it." Naruto gave his teacher a hard look.

Finally, Jiraya relented under Naruto's gaze. "All right, already, I give. I used a little of this special perfume on you. It acts as a powerful aphrodisiac. Getting my hands on it is part of the reason we are here. Pretty cool, huh?" Jiraya's chuckle died in the face of Naruto's horrified look.

"That's horrible, sensei. How could you do that to that poor girl, making her act like that? Just think of how embarrassed she will be when it wears off." Naruto's voice dropped to almost a whisper, "How could you do that to me? After I asked you not to mess with her."

Jiraya had the decency to look embarrassed. "I'm sorry Naruto, I only did it to make sure that your first date was a good experience. I thought you would be happy with the results."

"Ok, well, we can deal with this later. First things first, I have figure out a way to get Kaede home and safe from me without hurting her feelings." Naruto scowled trying to think of what to do.

"Um, I think you better hurry up. It looks like your date wondered what was taking so long." Jiraya gestured towards something behind Naruto.

Naruto turned to see a flustered Kaede coming down the hallway towards the bathrooms and them.

"Did you go to the bathroom? You were gone so long, I got worried."

"Ano, yeah, There was a line, sorry." Naruto hated lying to her, which narrowed down his choices considerably.

"Well, lets go then. Our dinners have arrived." She said, grabbing his arm and drawing him back towards the restaurant. Then she leaned in and whispered into his ear, "Unless you want to skip to dessert." Before giggling.

The hot breath on his ear and soft body pressed against his side was tantalizing in the extreme. _Think, damn it!_ Naruto fought down his desire. "It would be a shame to waste all that nice food…" He managed weakly.

When they got back to the table, somehow both the chairs had ended up on one side of the suddenly very small table.

Kaede sat right next to him, paying the food very little attention. She started trying to feed him things. "Try the oysters." Kaede said, and giggled.

"No, that's ok." Naruto eyed them in terror.

"Come on, they're delicious!" She said insistently.

"They look kinda gross." Naruto countered.

"You're the one who said we shouldn't waste food." She chided playfully, holding the half shell up to his lips.

Naruto accepted defeat, hoping that they weren't the aphrodisiac they were rumored to be. He was having a hard enough time as things were. To his surprise the oyster was quite good, with a citrusy taste, but the texture reminded him disturbingly of the feel of Kaede's tongue in his mouth when they had kissed. Or perhaps that association was because her face was only a few inches in front of his. He had to tell her the truth, and quick, before he did something that they would both regret. Swallowing the oyster and his pride, Naruto gently placed a hand on her shoulder to separate them,

"Kaede, listen, I need to tell you something. I found out my sensei put some sort of aphrodisiac perfume on me."

"So that's why that waitress was all over you." Said Kaede, suddenly understanding.

"She's not the only one who has been affected." Naruto said sadly.

"Wait, you think… that I'm… because of that?" Kaede looked at him in disbelief. "No! That can't be it. I like you Naruto, really, truly. You are so kind and sweet, always considerate of others. Even your telling me this is proof of why you are worthy of my affections. I won't believe that the way I feel about you is because of some trick." Kaede's voice took on a pleading edge.

"Thank you." Whispered Naruto. His voice continued, still softly, "I believe you that what you feel is true, but also that it is driving you further than you would go on your own. I really like you too, Kaede. But I can't take the chance that if we do what we both want to do tonight, that would make you hate me later. I can't bear the thought of you hating me, Kaede."

"I would never hate you Naruto!" Kaede said fiercely, tears forming in her eyes at the thought.

"But what about when I have to go back to my village, and leave you alone?" Naruto insisted.

"I could come with you." She said, quietly.

"And leave your family, your village? I wouldn't want to take you away from your brother. And life with me wouldn't be easy, either. I live in a tiny apartment, and only make a modest living. Half the village hates me, and would more than likely take it out on you. And then there's the vicious ninja who want me dead, or the dangerous missions I take, either way, I'd more than likely die after only a few years, where would that leave you? It's no kind of life, what I can offer you." The pain and regret in Naruto's voice was palpable.

Kaede began to sob, as the fairytale atmosphere that had permeated this day began to dissolve around her like a sugar cube in a downpour. Grabbing his shirt she buried her face in his chest, and wept. Miserable, Naruto wrapped his arms around her to try and comfort this person he had come to care for so deeply in such a short amount of time. Resting his chin on her head, he joined her in tears, and together they grieved the relationship that they had never had a chance to be in.

After a time, their tears abated, but still he held her close.

"So, will you just leave me after dinner, never to see each-other again?" Asked Kaede, muffled by his chest.

"Well, I am at least going to walk you home." Said Naruto to the top of her head. "And maybe, if you still feel like it, we could have coffee in a day or too. I definitely want to see you as much as I can before I have to go home."

Kaede nodded, "Ok." She brought a hand to her face and wiped off the tears. "I'm sure my make-up looks terrible." She chuckled, her voice still husky from crying.

Ever so gently Naruto put his hand under her chin and raised her face to look at her. Then he tenderly kissed her cheeks where tears had run so recently. "You still look beautiful to me." He said, his voice low. They stared at eachother in silence for a while, until Kaede finally broke it.

"Damn. I thought you weren't going to seduce me."

They both laughed, but they both blushed as well.

"You'll forgive me if I trust the mirror over your smitten eyes, but I'd rather not have to explain my current state to my parents." She teased him. Reluctantly, they disengaged and she made her way to the bathroom. Naruto made sure that the bill was taken care of, as Jiraya had mysteriously disappeared, and he had no intention of finishing his evening washing dishes in the kitchen to pay off their meal. She returned, from the bathroom with hardly a hint that she had ever shed a tear in her life. Hand in arm they strolled from the restaurant.

As the slowly strolled under the clear night sky, the mood was much lighter. Gentle teasing back and forth smoothed over the attraction that they now knew they both felt. Even that burning passion had calmed to smoldering coals, patiently waiting for the fuel that would once again allow it to blaze.

Suddenly, Kaede seize his hand, "Let's go get ice cream!"

Naruto's stomach answered for him. Neither of them had ended up eating much dinner.

"I'd love to, but I don't have my wallet with me…" Naruto said apologetically.

"It'll be my treat." Kaede smiled at him.

That settled, Kaede drew him along the street to an ice cream shop that was miraculously open late. Naruto got chocolate and strawberry, and Kaede got vanilla and mint chip. They traded bites, feeding each other off their spoons. After a particularly messy bite, Kaede wiped Naruto's with a napkin, and then impulsively kissed him. It was creamy, dreamy, and incredibly sweet.

---End Chapter---

Hope you liked it, I sure did. Eight whole pages, woohoo!

Thanks to everyone who reads, and especially to my reviewers. Thank you!

S.O.A.P.: "Not bad romance, eh? Take that Jiraya!"

Jiraya: "Pretty good, but you should have let them give in to their passions."

S.O.A.P.: "Echi! He's saving himself for Hinata, pervert."

Jiraya: "This from the man who GAVE me the perfume. At least I'm honest."

S.O.A.P.: "Only gave it to you in a literary sense! Gah! Just for that, I'm sicking Tsunade on you."

Next time: Naruto comes home.

Don't worry, I haven't forgotten that this is supposed to be NaruHina, but boy does that girl have her work cut out for her. Sorry Hinata!

Hope to see you all soon.


	7. Chapter 7: Homecoming part 1

A/N:

I have been remiss in my repetitions of this, but; I don't own Naruto. Shocking, I know.

"_Mussa fussa"_ **grumbles. **I also feel compelled to add that there will be some suggestive themes in this chapter, so if you are too young or squeamish, I suggest that you might want to read something else. Not that I've gotten complaints so far.

Anyways, now that that's over with, thank you so much for reading for reading, and special thanks for all the nice reviews. It makes me happy to know you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it. Let the enjoyment commence.

Chapter 7: Homecoming part 1

Hinata snuggled into her bed, trying to slow her breathing. A blush suffused her face, and her eyes slowly scanned the page of the book in her hands.

_Ryu held Koriko in his powerful arms, an intense light sparkling in his dark eyes. Koriko wriggled against him, vainly trying to break free, but his stare seemed to sap the strength from her. "I could not let you go with him, not when you hold my heart in your hands." With that Ryu kissed her, his passion blasting away the last of her resistance. Her hands stopped beating against his chest, convulsively grabbing his shirt and pulling him deeper into the kiss. His hands reached down to her waist, lifting the bottom of her shirt, and his fingers traced the exposed bare skin of her back._

She was proud of herself that she never fainted anymore reading this, and she could go for a half an hour or more before she he had to stop and rest. Resting usually entailed a cold shower followed by physical training to work off the nervous tension this exercise built up. For now she endured the prickling sensation it caused, as though thousands of feathers tickled her body. She was slightly worried that she was starting to like this sensation, and by extension starting to like reading these books. But if the way to Naruto's side was to walk barefoot over a bed of burning coals, she would do so gladly.

OoOoOoO

Naruto ran for all he was worth, his bare feet slapping against the sidewalk. He was clad only in his jeans, but thanked his luck he still had those on. He had been changing out of his clothes and getting ready for another cold shower after his coffee date with Kaede, when the maid had burst into the bathroom and made a grab for him. He had left her snuggling a substituted towel and dived for the window before she caught on. Things had only gone downhill from there. Now there were three girls chasing after him, and he tried not to think what would happen if they caught him. Bitterly he regretted every moment he had envied Sasuke his fan club in school, as that dream come true had turned into a waking nightmare. He hadn't been chased this doggedly since the last time he had defaced the hokage monument. Of course then, he had been able to use everything at his disposal to try and shake off the pursuing ANBU, but he wasn't about to hurt any of these girls just for pursuing him. Another important difference was that then he had been running for his life. Now, however, a small part of him was enjoying being chased, wanted to be caught, and this blocked the adrenaline producing fear from providing the escape producing boost of speed he needed. Which is how one of the girls managed to grab him by the belt of his pants.

The force of her grabbing him pushed him off balance, and he pitched forward, dragging her with him. Adversary or no, he twisted in the air trying to cushion her fall. They crashed to a halt, him on his back, her on his front, and his belt around his knees. This was looking really bad. He could see the two other girls advancing down the alley, eying him hungrily, before the girl on top of him shimmied up his body, her face occluding them. Desperately he pushed at her to get her off him, while her hands were roaming further down his body each second, and her lips inexorably drew closer to his.

"Sheesh, kid, I didn't realize you were so fickle." Came a familiar voice, followed by a lecherous chuckle.

"Sensei, please help me!" begged Naruto, his pride forgotten.

Jiraya sighed, and then cast a genjutsu that put the three girls to sleep. He almost wished he could have let things go on a little longer, the situation was better than any movie. But he owed it to his student. Both of his students, actually.

Blushing furiously Naruto pushed the girl off from on top of him, and then set about pulling up his pants. "I thought you said that stuff would wear off after a few hours. You didn't put more on me, did you?" Naruto eyed his teacher suspiciously.

"Of course not! I'm as surprised as you are, though I figured something was wrong when you were gone from the hotel room without your clothes. By the way, here, you forgot something." Jiraya tried to contain his mirth as he tossed a t-shirt to the blond. Naruto did not miss the smirk in his teachers eyes, but let it slide.

"I can't keep getting chased by girls in the street. What are we going to do, sensei?" Naruto regarded Jiraya solemnly.

"I guess we'll have pull out and head back to Konoha. Maybe Tsunade can figure out why this is behaving strangely." Of course, that would mean he would have to tell Tsunade what had happened, a terrifying prospect.

Naruto's face fell. "I guess I'll go say goodbye to Kaede." He had known this day would come, but he was still sad. Jiraya let him get a ways up the block before releasing the genjutsu. It wouldn't do to leave those poor defenseless ladies unconscious in an alley, where unscrupulous men could take advantage of them. He wiped the drool away from the corner of his mouth and told Naruto to get a move on back to the hotel.

In the end, Naruto had to settle for writing a letter to Kaede, as Jiraya considered it too risky to have him traipsing all over town, and he had just seen the girl that day. While Naruto agonized over his missive, Jiraya made the final preparations for their departure, even helping his student pack. Within a half an hour, the two were jumping from rooftop to rooftop towards the edge of town, Naruto's farewell letter lodged with the receptionist to deliver.

OoOoOoO

Sakura was bored again, and lonely to boot. Hinata and Ino were both being hard to find, and Neji and Tenten had practice again, making the best of their time with their teacher. While she might have considered sitting in, she wasn't in a mood to deal with Lee pestering her for a date. She might have broken down and said yes, and that wouldn't be fair to either of them. Not for the first time, she found herself missing Naruto, just for the entertainment and friendship he provided, if nothing else. Plus, then she could play matchmaker with him and Hinata. She was a romance junkie, and she knew it.

Suddenly someone beside her called out her name, "Sakura."

Turning, she saw Kakashi waving to her. Curious, she waved back.

"Hi Kakashi. You need me for something? We get a mission?" The hope in her voice was poorly disguised.

"Not exactly, sorry. You seem a little bored lately, so I got you something." Kakashi answered, handing her a wrapped package. It looked book shaped, and Sakura looked slightly worriedly at her teacher before opening it. Fortunately it was not, as she feared, an Icha Icha book.

"I asked the lady at the bookstore for something a little less, shall we say, perverted, than my usual fare." Kakashi smiled at her with his visible eye.

"Thanks, sensei!" Sakura gave him a hug.

Kakashi gave an embarrassed cough. "Yes, well… I'm glad you like it. I'd better go, but have a good day."

Cheered considerably, Sakura made her way to the old training ground, sat herself under a tree, and began to read.

OoOoOoO

Ino and Shikamaru were gathering their courage to speak to their friend and teammate, Chouji. They had invited him to go out to eat with them after practice, a rare enough event that he had eyed them slightly suspiciously before accepting.

The time came, and the three walked to the Barbeque restaurant. The atmosphere was a little subdued as both members of the couple were busy trying to overcome what hadn't yet been said. Finally, after they had put in their order, Chouji confronted his friends.

"Ok, spill it! You two have been quiet all day. Tell me what's wrong, already."

"Um, Chouji… see, the reason we brought you here today…" Ino's courage faltered.

"To tell me you two are going out, right?" Chouji finished her sentence for her. At his friends' incredulous stares, Chouji rolled his eyes, "It doesn't take a mind reader to see that you two like each other."

Shikamaru recovered first, letting out a low chuckle, "I told you he'd figure it out." He smiled at his best friend, "Sorry for not telling you sooner."

"I don't see what the big deal is. I was surprised you didn't tell me right away." Chouji looked a little hurt.

"We… I worried that it might hurt your feelings, that you might feel we were abandoning you somehow." Ino explained. It sounded dumb, even to her ears, but she had seen it happen before.

"So you cut me out of the loop instead." Chouji cracked a smile at the chagrined expressions on his teammates' faces. "How could I be anything but happy that my two best friends found someone to be with? Anyway, I'm glad you told me. Finally."

He had to dig at them just a little for holding out on him.

"I'm sorry, buddy. I guess we weren't thinking straight." Shikamaru smiled at his friend again.

"A Nara not thinking straight? Well, I guess there's a first time for everything." The all laughed at Chouji's joke, and some of the awkwardness fell away. "Well this calls for a celebration. Lets eat!" And Chouji did just that. The young couple looked fondly at their friend, as though seeing him again after a long absence. Ino leaned over against Shikamaru and rested her head against his shoulder. Somehow, it felt like she had come home.

OoOoOoO

Guy sensei was squaring off against Lee, while Neji and Tenten observed their match. Somehow Neji had trouble keeping his eyes on the pair, but not because of their super human speed. For some reason his gaze kept slipping to the girl beside him. Tenten spotted him doing this out of the corner of her eye, and smiled. _It's about time he started paying attention to me_ she exclaimed in her head. She went back to watching the match, leaving Neji to stew.

The two fighters were giving it their all, Master and Student. Gai was still slightly more skilled than Lee, but Lee was getting through his defenses more often than he used to. Finally, the teacher broke off the fight. "Lee, I am so proud of you! Truly you have become a magnificent Ninja." Gai saluted his student with the thumbs up and a dazzling grin.

"Thank you, Gai sensei. Truly it is an honor to spar with you. I owe my successes to you."

The two began a duet of "Gai Sensei!" and "Lee!" Shedding tears like twin waterfalls running down their faces. Tenten and Neji exchanged a look of long suffering forbearance. Finally Gai calmed down and turned to his two other students.

"I suppose it is time for the two of you to show us how bright the fire of your youth burns. Make us proud, Tenten, Neji!"

The two walked onto the field as their teacher and his prized student left it. Neji and Tenten squared off, The Huuga settling into his family's prized taijutsu stance, while his teammate bounced back and forth on the balls of her feet. At the signal from their teacher, Tenten took off, the bounce plus a boost of chakra launching her from a standstill to a dead run instantaneously. Neji activated his byakugan eyes to follow the speeding ninja as she circled him. Neji fought down the thoughts of how graceful she looked as she ran. With hardly any warning her orbit of him contracted and she began to throw Kunai knives at him from a distance that barely left him enough time to defend using his divine rotation to deflect the knives. Tenten kept up the barrage of weapons with her outside hand, but stretched in with her inside hand and began to infuse chakra into the sphere that Neji had raised. The results of their two chakra clashing was a blue glow that began to trail behind Tenten's hand. All of a sudden, Tenten's chakra spiked and then disapated, and her hand dove through the defensive sphere to grab Neji's arm. The two came to a stop, Neji off of his footing, a look of disbelief on his face.

Tenten capitalized on his shock to throw the boy with a twisting motion that allowed her to use her whole body. Neji recovered quickly enough to twist and land on his feet. Already Tenten was charging towards him with a Kunai in her hand. Neji recovered his stance and prepared to meet her assault with jyuuken strikes, but right before she arrived her hands blurred in hand seals, causing her to dissapear in a cloud of smoke, from which flew a sizeable chunk of log. For a second time this fight Neji was forced to abandon his stance, throwing himself to the side to avoid the log. It was this dodge that saved him from Tenten's other attack; his movement revealed the kunai whose flight trajectory had been hidden, along with his teammate, squarely in the blind-spot of his Byakugan. Even so, he was too late in spotting them to avoid all of the knives. Two knives hit his legs, and another hit his back, knocking him to the ground. Tenten landed, her face ashen. Neji had never before failed to deflect her knives. She ran over to him, praying he was alright.

"Neji, are you alright? I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" She began to cry, still apologizing to her fallen teammate.

"Lee, go get a medic! Hurry!" cried out Gai as he bent over Neji.

"Yes, Sensei!" The young martial-artist dropped his leg weights, and disappeared in a blur of speed, returning seconds later with a perplexed Sakura Haruno slung over his shoulder.

The pink haired girl's words of protest died as she saw Neji sprawled on the ground. Quickly she knelt by his side. Her hands glowed with chakra as she performed a diagnostic jutsu.

"He's going to be okay, he's just in shock." Sakura commented, keeping her eyes on her patient.

Tenten's legs gave out in relief, causing to sit down a few feet away from Neji.

"Lee, go alert the medic core to send a stretcher. I can stabilize him here, but I'm reluctant to remove the Kunai in his back in case it causes internal bleeding."

Lee nodded and sped away again.

Sakura worked in silence for a few minutes, pulling the knives from Neji's legs and healing the wounds. Finally she relaxed a little, leaving her hand glowing with chakra above the wound in Neji's back, but daring to look up from her patient.

Seeing Tenten's stricken look, Sakura reassured her, "Don't worry, he's going to be just fine. He'll be out of the hospital and back to training in under a week."

The dead look in Tenten's eyes retreated somewhat, but she still looked so sad. "I can't believe I did this to him, just when things were starting to go right."

Sakura's eyes widened at the implication. A smile tugged at her lips. "It doesn't have to be all bad; this could be the perfect opportunity to try that other treatment."

Tenten couldn't help smiling a little too. "You're mean, Sakura." The two girls giggled, to the complete bafflement of Maito Gai.

OoOoOoO

Sakura helped the medic ninja move Neji to the hospital, and sat in as an observer on the surgery. Several of the medics were complimentary on the work she had done in the field, and one of the younger doctors offered to help her master the techniques that would allow her to perform the surgery they had just done. Sakura smiled and thanked him. He was kind of cute, but in his twenties and therefore too old to consider pursuing. It was mid afternoon by the time she left the hospital. She had volunteered to go alert the family, and so she made her way to the Hyuuga family compound. Bowing formally to the guards at the gate, she requested an audience with Hiyashi or with Hinata if he was busy.

A messenger was dispatched to the house, and then came back to retrieve her. Her hopes that it would be Hinata she faced were dashed. Bowing formally to the Hyuuga head, she was glad of her training in customs and deportment she had received at the academy. Hayashi gestured that she should sit, and offered her tea, which she declined. "Now, miss Haruno, isn't it? What can I do for you?" Hiashi eyed her politely but curiously.

"Lord Hyuuga, I came to inform you that Neji is in the hospital from a training related accident. He is in stable condition, and should be fully recovered in a few days time."

"I see." Hiashi's face remained impassive "Thank you for informing me. I am slightly surprised that you felt the need to tell me in person." The last statement held a question, several, in fact; including why she was the one to be conducting the message.

Sakura squared herself under this criticism, "It is right that a prestigious member of the village be told of hospitalizations of their family in person, isn't it? As for why I am here, I was the first responder on the scene, and as the junior member of the team that worked on Neji, I felt the task of informing the family fell to me. Lastly, Hinata and Neji are friends of mine, and I had hoped to break the news to her as well." Her move had been played, and now Sakura could only wait and see his response.

A flicker of a smile escaped the Hyuuga head's mask, "Very well. Thank you for your conscientiousness in your duty. I am sure one of the servants can help you locate my daughter." Hiashi inclined his head to the girl, and she returned a respectful bow. Hiashi stood and walked from the audience chamber, a considering expression on his face. _An interesting girl_, he thought, _I wonder if she would make a good match with Neji?_

For her part Sakura breathed a sigh of relief. That had gone as well as she could have expected, and she had accomplished her aim of meeting with Hinata, though not solely for the reasons she had stated.

OoOoOoO

Hinata sat in her room, trying not to think about picking up the book that was currently sitting in disguise on her bookshelf. She was shocked at the change that had been wrought in her. The book had gone from something she could not stand to something she could barely tolerate, and then to something she enjoyed, and now she craved it. _I'm becoming a pervert!_ Her inner voice wailed.

A knock on her door broke her from her reverie. "Yes?" She asked.

"It's Sakura. I need to talk to you, can I come in?" came the muffled voice through the door.

Hinata sprang up and went to open the door. Sure enough, in the hallway stood her friend. "Hi Sakura, what are you doing here?" Hinata had hardly ever had friends come to her house, and never had they arrived at her door like this. She wondered what this could possibly mean.

"Well, for starters, I wanted to let you know that Neji is in the hospital… " Sakura was interrupted by the anxious blue haired girl.

"Is he going to be alright?" Hinata asked softly, concern radiating from her face.

"Neji is fine, he'll be back on his feet in a day or two." Sakura reassured her friend. After letting Hinata's worry subside, Sakura pressed on to her other reason for being there. "I also wanted to check up on my other patient." Sakura gave Hinata a mischievous smirk.

"Um, things are going well. I am able to avoid fainting when I read that book, and can read it for prolonged periods." Hinata was proud that she hadn't stuttered once, and that she had kept her blush mostly in check.

Sakura was astounded. Hinata was vastly exceeding her expectations. "That's very good. I would say the treatment is a success, pending further real world testing." Sakura smiled encouragingly at her friend. "Anything else to report?"

Hinata debated with herself before continuing. "Um, there was one thing. Sometimes, while reading, I will get… a sort of tingling, ticklish sensation. I was wondering if this is a symptom of something." Hinata looked at her friend, who was blushing almost as much as she was.

_Damn it, I wasn't expecting to have to deal with this,_ thought Sakura. _Didn't they teach this girl anything?_ "It sounds to me that you are experiencing… arousal. This is a perfectly normal reaction." _We should know,_ chided inner Sakura. Sakura supposed that it was unreasonable to expect someone like Hiashi to explain such things to his daughter, but he could have at least found someone to do it for him.

Hinata's head slumped, "I guess I am a pervert after all." She said to herself quietly.

"No, Hinata!" Sakura grabbed Hinata's shoulders causing the girl to look back up at her. "You are anything but a pervert. Everyone gets those feelings some of the time, some more than others. There is nothing wrong with them, in fact, it is an important part of the cycle of life. The only wrong thing is to blame or get down on yourself for feeling them. I don't want to embarrass you further, but if you are willing, I think it is time someone taught you about some important life skills."

Hinata nodded for her to continue, and there followed an embarrassing but informative half hour in which Sakura gave Hinata a crash course in sex ed.

At the end of it, Sakura was more determined than ever to help out her other Hyuuga friend. "Hinata, I hate to ask, but I need to borrow your book for a little bit. Someone else I know needs to be treated as well."

"Um, ok, if your really need it." Hinata still didn't like to admit it, but she was hesitant to let the book go.

"Don't worry, I'll get it back to you in a day or two." Sakura smiled at her teasingly.

Hinata blushed, knowing she had been found out.

---End Chapter---

7 pages and still not done with what I wanted to cover in this chapter. I had to cut it off there otherwise it might have taken me until Friday to update. I hope that doesn't turn out to be the case. I want to see what happens too ;)

P.S.: Decent action scene, right? I'm afraid those will be few and far between, as my main focus in this fic is the romance and comedy. Sorry!

Next time; Sakura's evil plan; Will Neji confess to Tenten, on pain of torture? Then Naruto's long awaited return; will there be a team 7 reunion? Lastly, Jiraya faces the music; will he escape Tsunade's wrath? Find out, on another exciting episode of Icha Icha NaruHina. See you, Later!


	8. Chapter 8: Homecoming part 2

A/N:

I don't own Naruto, or the other characters from that series.

Persons with easily upset-able temperaments regarding sexual maters probably should read something else.

Sorry this took so long, I had a busy week.

---Chapter 8: Homecoming part 2---

Neji Huga opened his eyes, but his vision took another few seconds to unblur. The ceiling was white, tiled with odd, pitted rectangles, surrounding the soft fluorescent light fixtures. Clearly this was a hospital, as he could smell the disinfectant and hear the beeps from the monitor somewhere in the vicinity of his head. Straps came down from o shaped bolts in the ceiling to wrap under his body and limbs, suspending him in the air. It the sensation was odd, but not uncomfortable. He didn't know how they would do in providing leverage for him to sit up.

Trying to sit up proved to be a mistake. Almost as soon as he put pressure on his hands he felt a pain start in his back, eliciting a grunt of pain. It also reminded him of the kunai that had stabbed him there, and also in his legs, which explained his presence in a hospital. He still had trouble processing how badly he had lost to Tenten. While it was true he had been slightly distracted at the beginning of the fight, she had frankly astounded him with the level of their fight, and he still wasn't entirely sure how she had done some of the things she had. More importantly, he was shocked she had changed so much without him noticing. How long had she been hiding in his blind spot?

Someone in the room cleared their throat politely, alerting him to their presence. "Neji?"

The voice was feminine, soft.

He tried to turn his head to see who it was, but the strap harness that held his head up blocked his sight. "Yes?" Neji did not feel strong enough for the byakugan, so he resigned himself to using his sense of hearing.

"How are you feeling?" there was obvious concern in the voice.

"Aside from a sore back, pretty well." Neji felt like he should know the person speaking to him, but after years of depending on his eyes, he realized his auditory recognition skills left something to be desired. _Another challenge to work on,_ he thought.

"You're not upset, are you?" The speaker came forward into his field of vision, and suddenly he was having trouble focusing again. Everything around Tenten was blurry.

"Why would I be upset?" Neji smiled slightly, causing the girl before him to smile as well.

"I was worried you might me mad at me for beating you." Tenten's smile slipped.

Neji realized that he wasn't angry in the slightest. He was a little embarrassed at losing. Two years ago he would have been angry, Hiyashi would have been furious that he had lost to anyone but another Jyuuken user. However, ever since his bout with Naruto in the chunin exams, he had started to let go of that old him. He had learned the value of losing. And Tenten had shown it to him once again.

"You gave me a gift, Tenten." Neji said quietly. Tenten looked perplexed. "In my fights with Lee, with Gai Sensei, sometimes they break through my defence, or surprise me in some small way. This helps me grow stronger. But the fight you shared with me caught me completely off guard, pushed me outside of my comfort zone, and showed me a way forward. I have only been surprised like that a few other times. Those are the fights I will always cherish. Thank you, for this wonderful gift you have given me."

Tenten wiped a small tear from her eye. Neji gazed up at her, a soft smile on his face, so different from his usual severe seriousness. It made Tenten's heart melt to look at him. "Your welcome, Neji." She said, with a smile. Then, unable to resist any longer, she bent over him and kissed him on the forehead. Neji blushed profusely, trying not to notice the way her breasts brushed against his shoulder. He sighed and breathed in her scent. He couldn't name what she smelled like, but it smelled amazing. Tenten straightened and chuckled internally at his blush.

"Well, I know how much you would hate to miss out on training, so Sakura devised a little regimen for you while your in the hospital."

_Sakura?_ Thought Neji. _Oh no!_ his eyes widened, "Training?" Neji gulped.

Tenten confirmed his fears by holding up the book he had seen that day in Hinata's room. "Don't worry, I promise I'll go easy on you this time." Tenten's smile gleamed like the edge of a kunai.

The first ten minutes were excruciating. His face felt like it was on fire. It didn't help that she kept glancing at him out of the corner of her eyes and smirking. Oh the things coming out of her mouth, he could not believe her tongue could form the words. Finally, he surrendered to his situation, and surprisingly the experience was not entirely unpleasant. Her voice was pleasant, as he had noticed before, soft and somewhat low. He stopped avoiding looking at her and let his eyes gaze at her face, watching her as she read. He noticed that she was not entirely immune from blushing at the things she was reading, and that the flush in her cheeks definitely accentuated the beauty of her face.

A knock sounded at the door, and Tenten moved back out of his sight. The knock came again, sounding slightly timid like it had the first time. "Come in." said Neji, a touch regretfully.

Hinata walked into the room. She was a bit unnerved to see that her cousin was suspended from the ceiling in some sort of contraption rather than lying on a bed. She also noticed that he looked a touch flushed, which caused her a moment's concern before she took in the rooms other occupant. On Tenten's lap was a book she recognized well. Hinata shared a blush with the rooms other two occupants for a moment. Then she said carefully, "I think I am interrupting something. Maybe I should come back." A small smile played on her lips, brightening the blush on Tenten's face.

With that, Hinata was about to turn back toward the door. Neji called out, "Hinata, wait. It is quite all right. Stay and visit with me for a while." A look of pleading crossed his face for a moment, increasing Hinata's smile by a degree.

Hinata walked over to Neji's side, peering down at him. Her smile faded into a look of concern, and she asked, "How are you feeling?"

"I am not in much pain as long as I don't try to move around too much. The wound in my back acts up if I do." Neji smiled reassuringly at Hinata.

"Forgive me for asking, but how were you wounded? Sakura was not too specific about what happened." Hinata hoped she was not bringing her cousin down by bringing up his injuries, but at the same time genuinely cared about him.

Neji could tell that, unlike her father, Hinata would not judge him for failing to win. This and her concern for him, a member of the branch family, made him both hopeful and fearful for her as the heir to the main house. After his resentment had faded, it had been this unflinching egalitarianism that had convinced him of her strength. He decided to tell her everything.

"I was fighting Tenten, and was caught off guard. Tenten managed to circumvent my Divine Spin technique, and then pressed the attack. She threw a volley of Kunai at me expecting me to dodge or deflect them, but I was unable to, and was hit in both legs and in my back." Seeing Hnata's worry, he added, "I am not ashamed at having lost, it was a magnificent battle."

Hinata nodded, understanding. She looked over at Tenten in curiosity, "How were you able to get through the Divine Spin?" She asked Neji's teammate.

Tenten fidgeted slightly, looking a little self-conscious. "I had gathered from watching Neji's spin technique before that it consists of two parts, the speed of the spin and the chakra distribution. I rapidly ran around Neji in the same direction of his spin to decrease the relative speed between me and him. I then applied my own chakra to the sphere to cause friction and further slow him down in relation to me. This also served a second purpose, disrupting the even distribution of the chakra, and causing a buildup relative to the amount of chakra I applied. I finished off by waiting until the right moment, then surging the chakra and releasing it. This caused a compression wave to form in the surface of the chakra, and I thrust my hand in at the low point of the wave and grabbed his wrist to stop his spin completely." Tenten smiled slightly in well-deserved pride.

Hinata stared at the girl, slightly awestruck. She would never have come up with such a strategy, nor did she think she could have implemented it if she had. She could now understand why Neji was so calm about his loss.

Neji smiled in the direction of his teammate. "Tenten is actually understating her accomplishment. She predicted my responses and had control of the match from the beginning. She forced me to use the spin to defend myself against her assault, and then maintained her attacks to force me to keep using it while she circumvented it. She had even begun to run around me before I began my spin, which means she predicted its direction. It was a plan worthy of a Nara, I was defeated before the match began."

Tenten was blushing slightly at Neji's praise. Hinata, looked appraisingly at Tenten, the expression on her face so out of place Tenten began to feel a little nervous. "How did you know which direction to run before he began his spin?" Hinata asked.

"I noticed from his fights with Lee that he leads with his dominant hand." Tenten stated, trying to keep her nervousness at being scrutinized from showing. She smirked inwardly at the irony of this role reversal.

"I see, you have been watching him closely. I am glad that Neji found such a good match with you." Hinata stated evenly, with a smile.

It took Tenten a moment to spot the double entendre in her statement, because of its source. _Wait a minute, did Hinata just…_ Tenten thought to herself. Looking up at the other girl, she saw a gleam in her eye that looked like hidden laughter. _I can't believe how much she has changed._ Tenten looked down at Neji, hoping he had missed the subtext there. She wasn't ready to admit her feelings for him just yet.

Hinata watched her friends face, and saw her discomfort. Relenting, she decided to deflect the conversation. "Neji, I apologize, My father won't be able to make it until at least this evening. My sister will probably come with him then." Tenten couldn't miss the warning; _don't let them catch you reading that book._ Tenten nodded in response. "I should get going soon, unfortunately. I will try to come as much as I can, but I am glad to see you have other visitors, Neji." Hinata went over to Neji and gave his hand a squeeze. "Whatever my father says, I'm proud of you." She gave her cousin a last smile, gave one to Tenten too, and then left the two to resume what she had interrupted.

OoOoOoO

It was early evening when Naruto and Jiraya came into the vicinity of Konoha. After two days of travel, Jiraya's guilt had somewhat worn off, to be replaced with exasperation at his student. " Are you going to keep moping like this forever? You only went out with the girl a couple of times, and you didn't even do anything with her."

This only earned him a glare from Naruto. "I like her, okay? I didn't stop just because I'm not there anymore. And I don't want to hear any talk about 'doing things' from a perv like you." Naruto turned his gaze away from his teacher.

Thankfully the trip back had been relatively uneventful. None of the women working in the fields had run after Naruto. The inn they had slept in had had no surprise visitors appearing in their rooms. It seemed that Naruto was out of the woods regarding the perfume problem. Which meant that Jiraya felt he was off the hook as far as telling Tsunade. He had intimated to Naruto that telling on him to the Hokage would mean the end of their teacher-student relationship, to which Naruto suggested that maybe Jiraya had run out of things to teach him, and was just trying to hide it.

"Well, I for one will be glad to get back to Konoha, and companions who aren't so gloomy." Jiraya stated, sounding a little petulant.

Naruto sighed. He wished sometimes that his teacher would act more like a grownup. After everything that had happened, he was still grateful to his teacher for this training mission. "I'm sorry Jiraya, I'll try to keep you entertained. I wouldn't want you to suffer." Naruto had meant to be soothing, but he couldn't quite keep the sarcasm out of his voice at the end. Fortunately, Jiraya chose to ignore it, but silence descended over the pair. It was lucky they weren't far from the village.

Sakura had just finished dinner, and was taking a walk around the village. She had planned to go visit Neji in the hospital, but wasn't sure she wanted to intrude on his other visitor's time. She hoped Tenten had made good use of her time with him.

She was walking where her feet led her, and found herself looking down one of the major boulevards that led to the gates of Konoha. She walked toward them a little, looking out at the forest beyond. She found herself thinking about her missing teammates. She wondered if Naruto was doing well on his training. She wondered if Sasuke was… she forcefully derailed that train of thought. She hoped one of these days she could make good on her promise to forget about her other teammate.

Her mind wandered back to Naruto again. She wondered what kind of training he was doing. The last time Jiraya had taken him on a training trip, he had come back with the Rassengan, as well as the fifth Hokage. She was a little envious that he was getting to go out into the world, while she was stuck here, but she supposed that they each had to follow their masters. Her, Naruto, even Sasuke, were each an apprentice to one of the legendary Sannin. It was as though they were destined to be the successors of one of the most powerful group of ninja to come out of Konoha. She fervently hoped that her generation could avoid the tragedy that had befallen the past one. Pushing herself off of this depressing path of thought, she wondered if Hinata would be able to make some headway with Naruto when he got back.

She had been leaning against a wall, looking out through the gate for a few minutes. Suddenly, she saw something that she couldn't quite believe; Naruto was standing at the Security checkpoint with his teacher, Jiraya. She fought back a shiver at the highly unlikely coincidence that she would be at the gate and thinking about him when Naruto appeared. She hoped it wasn't a sign of some sort of mystical romantic connection. She was definitely reading too much of that romance novel, she decided.

Sakura pushed off from the wall and made her way towards the pair. She arrived in earshot to overhear Jiraya admonish his student, "Stop pining for your girlfriend and lets get to the Hokage's to make our report. I've been away from the hot-springs for too long."

Sakura couldn't stop her outburst, "What? Naruto has a girlfriend?" The two looked her way.

"Oh, hi Sakura." Naruto said, with a slightly worried smile. Sakura had sounded confused, but also a little angry. He wasn't entirely sure why she would be mad at him for having a girlfriend, but he was sure that he didn't like her to be mad at him. It usually hurt a lot.

Jiraya smiled when he saw Sakura. _Maybe this will cheer up Naruto, or at least distract him while I make my report._ "I guess I can go make my report while you two catch up." With a mischievous grin he sped away to the Hokage's tower.

Sakura forced herself to calm down. It was nice to see her teammate, even if he was unknowingly trampling her matchmaking plans. "Hi Naruto, welcome back. Did you have a nice trip."

Naruto was even more unnerved by Sakura's sudden niceness. He would have to be cautious, in case she got angry again. "Thanks, Sakura. Um, I guess I had a nice trip. Jiraya took me to this small town on the road to wind country. He had some business there, and it also worked for my training." Naruto ended at what he hoped was a safe part in his narrative.

"That's nice. Did he teach you anything interesting?" Sakura pressed her interrogation, furiously trying to remain polite.

Naruto was sweating bullets trying to think of anything he could say about his training that wouldn't land him in the hospital. "Yeah, I learned a few infiltration and observation techniques." Naruto winced inwardly at the ways that could be misconstrued.

Sakura could see that the oblique approach was not bringing her any closer to finding out about Naruto's girlfriend that Jiraya had alluded to. It was optimistic for her to have tried it, but she guessed her time away from her teammate had softened her towards him. She glared at Naruto, and was both pleased and horrified to see him flinch. "Stop evading. What was Jiraya talking about? What exactly happened on this trip?"

Naruto caved, "Okay! I'll tell you! Just… please don't hurt me." Naruto shot Sakura a pleading look, and she had to stifle a giggle. "Jiraya's training was in dating. How to spot if a girl is interested in me, how to ask a girl out, proper etiquette on a date. Don't worry, he didn't turn me into a perv, at least I hope not. We observed other couples on dates, and paid attention to how they acted. The final training was to go out on a date with a girl. The person I met trying to get a date ended up being really nice, and we went on a couple of dates. Don't worry I didn't do anything to her. But yeah, I was sad to say goodbye to her." Naruto still looked a little dejected. Sakura felt a little sorry for putting the squeeze on him, but only a little.

"Ok. So, your girlfriend, does she have a name?" Sakura asked more gently.

"Her name is Kaede." Naruto's eyes lit up a bit in remembrance.

Sakura was a little alarmed at this turn of events. Naruto had clearly liked this girl a lot. She hoped that Hinata would be able to outshine Naruto's missing girlfriend. The fantasy of her nursing his broken heart and him falling for her notwithstanding, she worried that this would further complicate what was already a difficult road for Hinata to walk. "I think you had better tell me everything." Sakura settled with her shoulder against a wall.

"Well, the first part of the training was fairly straightforward, just looking at the way women acted around certain men and picking out whether or not they were interested." Naruto paused, hoping he could get through the next part. "The second part of the training, we went under-cover as a couple, and went to a few date spots to watch what other couples did."

Sakura had trouble imagining Naruto and Jiraya looking like a convincing couple. "How did you two... blend in." she managed tactfully.

"Jiraya made himself look younger, and made me… turn into a girl." Naruto was bright red in embarrassment remembering that episode.

Sakura knew exactly what he meant when he said he had turned into a girl. She schooled her features, trying not to laugh at her friend's discomfort. "That sounds pretty uncomfortable."

Naruto warmed to the subject. "Oh it was horrible! He ended up grabbing girl me on the boob, and when I got upset, the transformation ended and I was left in guy form wearing girl clothes!" Sakura couldn't stop herself from laughing, and Naruto laughed a little too. "It was pretty funny, but I wasn't laughing then."

Sakura smiled in commiseration. "I wouldn't go on a date with your teacher, that's for sure. I've heard too many stories from Tsunade-sama about him. I'm sorry you had to go through that, though."

Naruto smiled. It was actually nice to be able to talk about this with Sakura, now that she didn't look like she was going to hit him. "Thanks. I got him back for that one; I slipped dye into his shampoo, which turned his hair pink. Not as nice a shade of pink as yours, of course." They both giggled at this. When their laughter subsided, Naruto continued "For the third training, Jiraya gave me a day to get a girl to go out with me that night. I met Kaede when I rescued her brother's toy from a tree. I actually forgot I was on a mission, so I ended up hanging out with them for the afternoon before I remembered I was supposed to get a date. Fortunately, Kaede decided to say yes. Otherwise, I would have had to go on another practice date with Jiraya." Naruto gave a shudder of playful horror. "Anyway, Jiraya pulled a fast one on me, and hid all my clothes, so I had to wear these tight jeans and a leather jacket. All the girls were staring at my butt. It was embarrassing! But Kaede thought it was cute, so it worked out ok." Naruto smiled again in fond reminiscence. "Anyway, Jiraya had one more trick up his sleeve. He sprayed me with this perfume that made all the women attracted to me. The waitress sat down in my lap and told Kaede to take a hike. And just as soon as I got her to get off me, Kaede sat down! That's when she kissed me the first time. But I figured out something was up and called Jiraya on it, and then explained it to Kaede, who was surprisingly nice about the whole thing. But apparently the perfume didn't wear off after twelve hours like it was supposed to, and instead I got chased around town by gangs of women a couple of times before we decided to come back and see if Tsunade could figure out a way to fix it. I think it must have worn off on it's own though. I hope so, because I don't want to be attacked by women again." Naruto blushed at the thought.

"It sounds like you have been through a lot. I'm sorry you got chased." Sakura gave Naruto a hug.

"Thanks Sakura." Naruto was glad that Sakura was understanding, and not getting mad at him. Then he noticed the hug was going on a bit long. _Oh no, not again_. He thought_. Not with Sakura!_ "Um Sakura, I feel better, thanks."

"Mmm. I'm glad. You smell nice, Naruto." Sakura nestled into his shoulder. Naruto turned bright red.

Naruto couldn't believe this was happening. The girl he had chased after for years was cuddling him, and he was supposed to make her stop, to protect her from making a fool of herself in order to protect their friendship. He had long since given up any idea of their being together, but still, a part of him was definitely fighting his doing the right thing. "Um, Sakura, please let go now."

"Mm-mm." Sakura shook her head and held him closer. She had definitely gotten a lot stronger, Naruto noticed in alarm.

"Please, Sakura. This isn't you, it's the perfume making you act like this. You don't like me, remember? Try to fight it. Please, Sakura! I don't know if I can hold you off much longer." Naruto kept a running monologue trying to recall Sakura to herself, while struggling to break free. It wasn't working. Sakura reached up with her face, trying to kiss him. He knew if she kissed him it would be all over. Desperation kicked his brain into high gear, and he came up with a desperate plan. Carefully constructing the images in his mind, he took a costume he had seen on a billboard for a show at a girls club, superimposing Sasuke into the outfit. Focusing on that image, his hands flashed behind Sakura's back in a familiar sequence of hand signs.

"Reverse Harem Jutsu" He cried. Suddenly the two of them were surrounded by clones of Sasuke, wearing tight pants and the cuffs and collar of a dress shirt. Sakura's grip loosened enough that he was able to use a substitution on one of his clones. As he left Sakura surrounded by clones of the man she had loved, he hoped she would be able to forgive him. First things first, he had to deal with the sight problem of being a walking chick magnet. He headed to the Hokage's office, and hoped Jiraya wasn't trying to avoid telling Tsunade about his situation.

OoOoOoO

The Hokage was having dinner in her office again. Despite the quality of the food she now had regular access to, she missed the days of eating at bars and gambling dens. It was hard to taste food properly when it was surrounded by a wall of paperwork. She sighed, fighting back the urge to lament her fate. The truth was, despite all her frustrations dealing with the running of the village, she was far happier here than she had been in her wanderings. She felt a connection that she had thought herself no longer capable of after her loved ones had died. She began to understand Minato-kun and Sarutobi-sensei's professions of loving the entire village.

A knock sounded at her door, and one of the door-keeping chunin poked his head inside. "Jiraya is here to see you."

Tsunade nodded. "Show him in." _Well, this should be good. My old teammate is always good for a laugh, or at least a punching bag._ She thought.

"Tsunade, you're looking as lovely as ever." Jiraya said as he walked through the door. His compliment immediately raised alarm bells for Tsunade, but she pretended she was annoyed at his incessant flirting. After years of knowing him, she had learned he seldom complimented her unless he was up to something.

Tsunade met his compliment with a bald faced lie, "Jiraya, you look as young as ever. Have a seat, I'm just finishing dinner, but why don't you fill me in on your mission."

"I managed to procure most of the medical herbs you requested." Jiraya placed a pouch on top of one of the piles of paper, and then took a seat at one of the sides of Tsunade's desk, so that they could both see each other. "I also heard from my spy network that Akatsuke and Orochmaru had a bit of a clash over something, and they seem to be nursing their collective wounds right now. It won't last forever, but we should have at least a few more weeks of breathing room before they try anything else."

Tsunade smiled. "That is good news. Maybe we should have a drink to celebrate, and toast to them destroying each other and leaving us in peace." Tsunade began to rummage in the drawers of her desk for one of her hold-out bottles of Sake. "And how did the training with Naruto go? Did you teach him some new jutsu that could destroy the village if used improperly?" Tsunade's eyes held a sparkle of humor.

"Instead of jutsu, I decided to teach him some things that Minato would have wanted him to know. Specifically I taught him about girls and dating."

"You did what now?" Tsunade's smile lost all its warmth. Her voice was quiet, as though she were storing it up for he hurricane of anger that was coming.

"Don't worry, I didn't make him into a pervert. I don't think anyone could. I just figured that he probably hasn't had anyone to explain the… facts of life to him, and decided to take him under my wing, in deference to his father." Jiraya smiled broadly at Tsunade, hoping he had deflected her anger.

"Hmm." Tsunade still wasn't convinced. She knew her old teammate was hiding something, she just wasn't sure what, yet. "And how did that go?"

"Pretty well. Naruto got himself a girlfriend, but had to say goodbye when we came back. He's a little sad about it, but he'll live."

As Tsunade was digesting this and contemplated her next question, the orange clad ninja himself burst through the doors. "Sorry Hokage-sama, Jiraya-sensei. I didn't want to interrupt."

"That's okay, Naruto. We were just talking about you." Tsunade smiled to see the kid. She was pleased that he was at least minding his manners, more or less.

"Actually Tsunade-sama, I'm a clone. Naruto sent me to let you know that the perfume hasn't worn off." The Naruto clone stated.

"Damn." Jiraya cursed under his breath.

Tsunade's eyes narrowed as she looked at him. "What perfume is this?"

"I'm sorry sensei, but she needs to know now. Jiraya sprayed me with an aphrodisiac perfume, which causes women to become attracted to me. It was supposed to wear off after a couple of hours, but for some reason the effect seems to keep recurring on Naruto. He's hiding out in his apartment to keep from affecting anyone else." The Naruto clone gave a worried look towards his sensei.

"You did what?" The force of Tsunade's bellow caused the clone to disperse. Simultaneously, the sake bottle that had been in Tsunade's hand rocketed towards where Jiraya was sitting, destroying the chair that he barely managed to vacate in time.

Jiraya stood in the middle of the room now, across the desk from Tsunade. Not that the desk would be any obstacle to his enraged teammate. O well, in for a penny, in for a pound. Jiraya thought glumly. Surreptitiously his hand went into his pocket and closed around the perfume bottle, spraying a little of it. An amorous Tsunade was vastly preferable to a murderous one.

Her anger barely contained, Tsunade stormed around her desk instead of destroying it. She didn't want to have to deal with sorting the paperwork again on top of all this. About halfway to Jiraya, however, her angry gait began to sway at the hips, until she was sauntering the last couple of steps. Jiraya smirked as her face flushed, and her arm stretched out towards him. At the last second, she grabbed him by the waist of his pants, twisting the fabric until the crotch was painfully tight, and then lifted him up into the air. Jiraya was in his own personal world of pain.

When Tsunade finally spoke, her voice was raw with emotion. "I should kill you for what you just did. Don't ever try to take advantage of me like that again. If you do, I will castrate you myself. Do you understand?" Jiraya was only able to nod feebly. "You are to place yourself under house arrest for two weeks. ANBU guards will be posted. Male ones. You will not attempt to leave the house unless I give you express permission to do so. I hope you understand the strain that this puts on our ninja resources. Thanks to you we now have two ninja off the active duty rosters. One more thing. The perfume. Give it to me. Now."

Numbly Jiraya's hand went into his pocket and placed the vial onto Tsunade's outstretched palm. She let go of him, and he collapsed to the floor, holding his crotch and moaning softly in pain. Two ANBU appeared to either side of him. Both were male, she noted. "Make sure Jiraya makes it home safely. We wouldn't want any of our village's female population to accidentally attack him."

After they left, supporting the older man, Tsunade walked on wobbly legs over to one of her office's surviving chairs. Gratefully she collapsed into it. Damn, she could use a hot bath, and a cold, cold shower. Just because she didn't succumb to the affects of the perfume didn't mean she hadn't felt them. Breathing deeply for a few minutes, she sought to bring herself back under control. Sometimes she wondered if her old teammate ever thought things through. Naruto was probably feeling like hell right now. As if he didn't have enough to deal with being the fox demon's container.

Summoning her strength, Tsunade poked her head out of her office and addressed the Chunin stationed there. "Go find Shizune and tell her to set up a quarantine ward, and then assemble an all male team of medics. I'm going to take a quick shower an have a cup of coffee, and should join her in about thirty minutes." The Chunin sped off, and Tsunade made her way to the residence. Tonight was going to be a long night.

---End Chapter---

A/N: Thank you for reading, and for those of you who reviewed, thanks a lot.

I finaly finished this section. Don't worry, I have ideas of where to go next. I hope to update again in the next week.

Speaking of ideas, I have been wanting to write a scene with Naruto turning into Sasuke for a while now, but originally it was going to be him consoling Sakura by sleeping with her as Sasuke. But that's another fiction, possibly a harem one…

I also had been wanting to write the scene where Tsunade pretends to fall for Jiraya to get close and then punishes him since I thought up the perfume idea. I have been anxiously waiting to get to those moments, and now they are finally here.

Yay

See you all next time. (Maybe Hinata will sneak into Naruto's room. Rrrrowrrr!)


End file.
